@Tozzy Hi Tozzy! Welcome and congratulations on your baby girl! Wow! 6 months! Babies are intensive in terms of needs and care. Congrats on all your hard work! Glad you decided to give 7cups a try. I had severe ppd after I had my son, so I can really relate... He also had some health issues and would wake up screaming a lot, and it just was physically and emotionally challenging.... If you would like, I am sending you tons of hugs, prayers and "you got this," and "you're doing awesome" vibes! The first year can be super hard. Hormones are going wonkers, and the breastfeeding helps with mood stability but it can be challenging to figure out. I think the loss of sleep was enough of a challenge! Hope you are getting some good night rest in!
I had learned all my life to take care of others and thought that motherhood would be so natural for me, but was surprised instead that I had ppd. I never really learned how to be nurturing and loving to myself, and so at the beginning, I found it surprisingly hard to feel attached to my baby and just felt surreal. A lot of the time, I felt like I was trying to behave like a "good mom" should....
I think, what helped me most at the time with depression and self care, was joining a codependency anonymous group where I got to have an hour and a half each week for myself, where I could just keep the focus on me. It ended up that I decided, that it would be like a journey, a re-education --- I would learn with my baby, to not only learn how to love my baby, but also how to love myself. Knowing that I could also learn to take care of myself in all of that intensive 24/7 baby care helped me feel better and more calm and centered.
When the depression was bad, a therapist had me practice cheering myself on and give myself a lot of "that a girl" "you are doing awesome" for the tiniest baby steps. Like really anything - like "Took a shower! Combed my hair! Whoooohoooo you go girl!" I thought at first she was kidding. But she wasn't. Because honestly when depression was bad, I just really wanted to lay there in the bed with the covers over my head and curl up in fetal, so I literally cheered almost any and every effort!
Hang in there, Tozzy! They say the first years last forever! I say that feels true, because we are so sleep deprived and without sleeping a year is a lot longer! lololol Hope you are able to find the support you need here and with your baby! New moms need support! It takes a village! Even if it's a neighbor, just for a little bit of breather. Welcome again!