New to the Depression Community: Introductions and My Uphill Battle
Hi there everyone!
Trying to stay annonymous as possible, just call me Bre (Breeze, get it?)! I am 19 years old, and I have been struggling with depression for as long as I can remember. It was never diagnosed until recently by a social worker. Phychologists, therapists and councilers are both amazing professions, but I don't seem to ever have luck with them. The ones I have spoken to have either
1.) Told me I was crazy, or too "young" to feel this way
2.) Told me to come back at a later date because my case wasn't serious enough
3.) Just didn't work out because of money/personal connection struggles
I haven't had much of a supportive group of people behind me either. My family does not believe in the mental health stigma, and people have left me once they realize how bad I am, and I am a burden to them (not assumptions, actual words).
I have been trying to get some support system or some understanding why I feel the way I do, or therefore lack of feel. I felt like I exausted my options, but here I am. My general well-being has suffered, and the relationships around me have also significantly suffered. I lost touch with so many people. I've lived in a horde of a mess since as long as I can remember because I can't bring myself to clean my surroundings. Only recently, things got much worse. I've been at a low recently, where I am embarassed to admit, that I can't even shower properly anymore. I stopped showing up to my job, university, and much more. My hygine got really bad. My grades suffered this semester, but I was lucky to pass with C's even. My significant other has tried to convince me to go seek help for so long, but I haven't found someone yet that hasn't denied me or my emotions.
I don't want to focus on the negatives on my life, but what's probably important to know is that most of my relationships have only been abusive. Family, friends, and romantic relationships. In general, there has been physical abuse, sexual harrasment, emotional degradement and dependencies built off of those. I understand now how horrible of an enviroment for me to grow up in was, but I was blind to a lot of it for so long.
I know this forum isn't the answer to my problems, but I know it will help me get back on the right path. I'm looking forward to the road ahead for learning, healing and coping. I just need a support system, and I hope you guys welcome me into your community. I can't wait to get to know you all better while we're on this journey together.
@BountifulBreeze
Welcome to the Depression Support community. I'm sorry to hear that you've had issues connecting with good mental health care, but I fully understand it. The psychiatric nurse told me 'to grow a thicker skin'. Many people simply don't understand depression, and some people are more sensitive to other people and stress, and it hurts. I did talk to a good (but expensive) psychiatrist, and she told me 'you can try to antidepressants again, but from what you describe of your job, the depression isn't likely going to change until you can change your situation'. Yet, it's most often very hard to find another job. People seem to often say 'it's better to have a job while you are looking', but the truth is that if you have a job, then you don't have a lot of time to search and prepare for another one.
Academic stress can be overwhelming and when I first went to college, I had a similar experience to what you described. If I could turn back time, I would have made better use of the free mental health resources the school provided. There are some good mental health providers out there, and you might be able to find one to get help dealing with the clinical depression.
@Darkseed
True story: Im part of a highly sensitive person MeetUp group and during a break at one meeting, the group organizer stepped out of the meeting room and a guy looking for the group meeting in the room next to ours started a conversation with our organizer and was curious to know what highly sensitive person meant.
When our organizer answered his question, this guy told her dismissively, Dont they have therapy for that kind of problem?.
The insensitivity of todays world and society would be laughable if not so cruel and hurtful at times. 😂
@AbbyHarris1976
I don't even think people realize what comes out of there mouth can be hurtful! I hope in future generations, people learn to be less insensitive and more empathetic. At least the community here is very welcoming and accepting to a wide variety of struggles! And I'm glad you have a meet up group to have ongoing support and understanding!
@Darkseed
I've actually used my universitys free therapy, and they asked me if I have ever tried to kill myself. I said yes, but when I was much younger. Then they told me my case wasn't too serious right now, and I should try to come back later. They did not ask any further questions.
I'm sorry to hear you've had a similar experience. I wish the world was more understanding! There are great resources out there, I agree, but I just haven't had luck yet finding one. I'm hoping to maybe find something soon.
I hope your situation gets better, and you find a better job for the sake of your mental health. Thank you for the warm welcome and the understanding.