Deepest Depression Ever

I've suffered with depression just shy of 50 years. I've had suicide attempts and a hospitalization. Been on antidepressants since Prozac was new. Been in and out of therapy the last 30 years. So I get depression. What I feel now is so deep and pervading I can hardly get up in the morning. Not because I'm depressed about my life (I am), but depressed over the state of the world. War everywhere, Hatred everywhere. The catastrophes of climate change. And the knowledge that there is absolutely nothing I can do about any of it. So why do they report on this stuff? To make people aware. Why? What good does my knowledge of the drought in Ethiopia, or war in Israel (again) do? What does my knowing do about the situation in Ukraine? It doesn't. It just makes me feel miserable, helpless and utterly hopeless.

And climate change has me in despair. The scientists and environmentalists have been warning us for 30 years. Sure we put protections on some species, saved some natural areas. But it hasn't changed the fact that all the pesticides we have sprayed in our own gardens have killed off species of bugs and with them many birds have also disappeared. I'm talking backyard birds. Every year millions of migratory birds are killed by hitting windows of tall buildings?  Rising water levels and flooding lowlands. Changing weather patterns with worsening storms and longer droughts. Just Another thing I read about and can do nothing to stop.

So this depression is not just internal, but external, in that I don't see us being able to save the human race from the coming environmental catastrophe. That is what prevents me from doing much of anything any more. I just can't see the point. How can you bear it? It's one thing to hear about the polar bears and penguins, but to see it in your own back yard. That really drives it home.

I don't know if this place will help change my mind or not. But I guess I am not completely devoid of hope or I wouldn't be here.