Never date a best friend
I(female) made a really dumb decision and decided to ask my best friend(female) out, she had told all my friends and my own mother she had a crush on me so I decided why not. There’s my first mistake. I asked her out because she told me she broke up with her boyfriend ( we can call him John)( she’s also bi) but our relationship was good for about 2 days until she thought it was a great idea to give a dude a *** in front of me, she didn’t end up doing because he wanted more. But I let it go until Friday when me and a friend were play flirting with each other and she got jealous and broke up with me saying she liked a different dude (we'll call him alex) so it ended. I wasn’t really upset until I found out by multiple people that she never broke up with John, one of her friends broke them up for her on Thursday (the day before we broke up). So I almost got cheated on twice, got lied to, and she started spreading rumors about me. But she still acts like we’re friends so I don’t know what to do. I have my own set of problems to deal with so I can’t deal with all this right now. Any advise would be very much appreciated. Thank you
@impartialWriter5944
how much of a best friend is she? doesn't sound like one.
A best friend will have your best interest at heart. Certainly wouldn't be doing a*** whatever that is with some dude in front of you if that wasn't your kinks. At the same time, you shouldn't have been flirting with another person while in a closed relationship, regardless if the other person is cheating or not. When you have principle, you hold them and follow through.
Personally, I wouldn't be dating my best friend when she is freshly out of a relationship. When people break up for real, they have stuff to work on.
In honest truth, you don't flirt with your friends or best friends. It kinda just ruin the relationship. Most people don't stay friend after they break up.
If she acts like a friend up front, but spreading rumor behind your back - she isn't a friend and is backstabbing you. If me, I would distance myself and find a stable relationship. You don't need to response to the rumors. True friends know you and couldn't careless about you just because of some rumors.
@Mdreaming101
thank you for responding, but yeah I totally understand I know I made some mistakes like asking her out to begin with and play flirting with my friend, and she also made some big mistakes but the rumors are what are getting to me like if you really still wanted to be friends after then don’t go around telling people stuff that’s not true it’s just all messy but I appreciate your advise. Definitely aren’t gonna make this mistake again
@Mdreaming101
thank you for responding, but yeah I totally understand I know I made some mistakes like asking her out to begin with and play flirting with my friend, and she also made some big mistakes but the rumors are what are getting to me like if you really still wanted to be friends after then don’t go around telling people stuff that’s not true. it’s just all messy but I appreciate your advise. Definitely aren’t gonna make this mistake again and I’m definitely keeping her at arms length.
That final line is all you need to tell her. "I have my own issues right now and I need to take a step back from our friendship to deal with them." You were hurt by what happened and deserve some time to heal. @impartialWriter5944
I totally agree, when I see her tomorrow I’m definitely going to say something like that to her, so hopefully it goes well
Let us know how it goes. @impartialWriter5944
@bestVase7265
sorry for the late respond I’ve been super busy and super drowned in friend drama, but it went ok although she didn’t listen to everything I said. I went over to her house and I started the conversation saying “I still need more space but I feel like if I can get through this we still have a chance to be friends” and then she was like “ok” and then started talking about her boyfriend issues so I was annoyed but I let it go but the next day after that she totally ignored the fact that I asked for more space and went back to acting like we were best friends. She also broke up with her boyfriend and is going for one of my friends crushes so there is a lot of drama happening so I’m kindve overwhelmed but I’ll deal with it at some point. But congrats to me, yesterday was my one month anniversary from self harming.👏
That is a big step in both the self harming front and standing up for you front. Your friend's response is the part that you can't control, but you can keep giving them the same message about your need for space. Then take that space away when you need it. @impartialWriter5944
