Just me alone and a silent telephone

I dwell people who never even spare me a passing thought. For the little 'friendships' that still remain they are just fading away day by day and I haven't made a new friend in years, always leading to failure trying to do so.

I have almost no one left but perhaps I would be better off anyway as they offer me nothing but mockery or belittlement. When I dare to speak up about this, which I usually don't and just take it or play along, they take no serious concern or bother to listen to me when I attempt to tell them they are seriously upsetting me. It's so humiliating and hopeless.

I have awful self esteem issues and have no support to help aid my problems or attempt to better my awkward social skills. I wonder if friends truly would even make me happy anymore as every friendship is the same story. I don't know what I have to look forward to anymore, I don't seem to find joy in anything. I wish I could share my interest with others at the least but everyday I continue to mindlessly roam around, isolated in my room.