I hate conventional school #long rant

I know I should've posted this on student and career support but I think this fits here more because school has made me feel low about myself. I never feel interested in school even until now. Once, I failed a class when I was six to seven years old that make me held back by one year. That affected my current self-esteem. I always got into trouble with every school I went to. I won't go into details but I consider myself an oddball. When Covid 19 starts, I was actually thriving with online school. I got decent grades that make me rank in the top 5 of 35 in class (10th grade at that time). That moment I knew my future will be good enough but that didn't last for long. Currently in 11th grade, school has become fully offline and I periodically (or frequently) had mental breakdowns, we're only in the first semester! How could I not? My room is the only thing that can make me feel safe, I was emotionally vulnerable at that time. Things like grades, "competition" with other students, homework, schoolwork, tests, group work, too many activities, the expectations of teachers and so many things I hate about school overwhelmed me. The fact that I had to do this 9 hours per 5 days depresses me. Only add salt to injury the fact that I still need to get a job after graduating from higher education just to get food and shelter. I don't deserve to live apparently. I never asked to be born in this exploitative hellhole, why would I? But suffering is guaranteed when I'm born just because two stupid primates had sex? Damn, I hate those dumb folks who gave birth to me. In case you're wondering, yes I have a problem with victim mentality.