Socialising after a long period of isolation tips and advice - Depression
Depression has a way of keeping you socially isolated. At some point in your journey, you yearn for belonging but socialising can be difficult when you have a habit of doing things on your own. As a community, perhaps we can share tips to slowly help those with depression and other mental illnesses on how to slowly become social again. What do you do to motivate yourself to be social? What things do you try? What groups do you join? I am sure this a challenge for many of us, let's share our experiences and grow healthier as a community through the sharing of tips and tricks.
@SandyM
That's a great thread.
Personally, after a long time of isolation, I think about my willingness to go out. If yes, then I usually invite one close friend and we go out. Whatever we feel like doing, be it dancing, eating in a restaurant or just sitting at a pub, we just spend time together. I tend to begin going out again with one person only, and then, I could try inviting some more people gradually, if I feel like it. We check out local events and make plans (it's good to have plan A, B and C in case we don't like the place or it is too crowded - a piece of advice for those with social anxiety). And going places that attract the types of people you like is the safest option for a start. (e.g. art lovers at exhibitions, ravers at a club or just theatre-goers in theatres).
My companion certainly has to be understanding, so I always tell them about my current mood and recent mood issues, and we talk it through. Sometimes it's anxious to think of attending a proper party after some time spent on your own, and it's okay. But if a tech rave is the answer to your needs, I'd say go for it! I often do. :) Listening to your own needs and not overstraining your mental comfort is the key.
Hope someone finds my post helpful.
@greenEyes2019 I am sure someone will find it helpful.
@SandyM
For me, after a long time of isolation, I try to make small commitments. I try to make commitments I would be reluctant to break (something involving a team where people somewhat depend on you, or lunch with a small group). I often chicken out at the last minute, but having events that I'd feel bad about canceling forces me to follow through.
I try to make arrangements with people who know about my depression at first so that they are understanding if I get overwhelmed or if I'm overly quiet. Going out with my supportive friends is a lot less stressful than going out with strangers.
In addition, I get overstimulated easily, especially when I'm not used to being around other people. Going from just being around my family in my own house to being outside where there are people everywhere can be hard for me. I try having people over at my house first where I still feel safe before venturing out.
@brightForest97 That's a good idea to have a commitment to something. I guess it is the same sentiment when people say exercise with a friend
@brightForest97
Thanks for sharing, having someone over to your safe place instead of forcing yourself is a good idea and I should really start implementing this on my own life. I have started to love isolation and being in my comfort zone too much that going out can feel emotionally exhausting.
this is a great thread
I am glad to find this thread. I have been off work for 3 weeks and face a possible several months more to recover. It's dark and grey and cold where I live right now and while I think it would be helpful to have structure and routine, I do find it difficult to implement at the moment. It becomes way too easy to sit in my recliner and watch TV or read or journal or whatever. I get bored I get restless I get lazy I get sad.
I have tried to make a commitment to myself to get some exercise/movement each day, preferably outside. But with the current climate, I have been less apt to go out on my own for that much needed long walk. So yesterday I went to the gym. It is a small gym with more mature clientele so I feel pretty comfortable there. There were more people there yesterday than anticipated but I finished my workout and ended up chatting with a couple of nice ladies in the changeroom afterwards. Just that short little bit of interacting felt good.
I have one or two supportive friends but haven't been keen on leaning on anybody while going through this. It's just my nature. Prideful, I guess. Scared to lean on anybody lest I get hurt. Can anyone else identify? Feeling like we have to shoulder our illness all on our own?
@Franny67 I can definitely relate to the feeling of not wanting to lean on close friends in tough times, even when they might be just the people to make me feel better! I often get stuck between wanting to be open and authentic with my friends by telling them what's going on in my life (or on my mind), and not wanting to open a can of worms or be the friend who's always talking about her troubles. So I get stuck in a loop between "I should call up so-and-so!" / "I should go out with friends this week!" and "What will I say when they ask "how are you?" Maybe it's easier to stay in." On paper, that sounds silly -- they're my friends; of course they'll want to help if I need it, and they won't pry if I don't feel like talking. But in practice, it feels stickier. (I usually end up glossing over how I'm doing and focusing on them -- "Oh I'm alright, how are you??")
I'm very interested in this subject at the moment. An old friend has gotten back into contact with me after years of me being a hermit and he wants me to get out of the house and do stuff, but the idea terrifies me for reasons I don't understand. I just feel like a freak and outcast who has no place in the outside world among humans.
@tluper6491 I have a friend who does this for me -- "drags me out into the sunshine," I call it, because it sort of feels like I've been a vampire and she's finally making me human again for a day or a few hours at a time. I usually hesitate and justify not going and ignore her texts for a while, and then when I finally go out with her, I end up feeling like I can breathe easier and realize how unnecessary it was for me to resist for so long. It's usually hard to get out the door, but then I'm SO grateful I did. So from one hermit to another, I encourage you to give it a try! 
You can do it! And you might be glad you did.
Sorry to hear that. Old flames what come back into your life are terrifying. However it can sometimes be an exciting thing. Have you tried thinking of all the good things you use to do when you knew them. Did you get up to mischieve or have fun on a trip? How did it make you feel? Was it the best day of your life? I ask cuz you can turn an ending chapter into a positive one. It never has to end in a bad way. You never know what can happen and your friend getting back in touch all those years gives you a boost of confidence that your not forgotten as you think. You just need to make that first step and talk to your friend and your concerns. Hopefully then your feel ok to go out with confidence.
Love this thread so much!
I feel like it can sometimes be helfpul to make it as low maintenance and low pressure as possible. We can cater to our needs and gradually challenge ourselves overtime rather than all at once :)
For example, if your energy's low maybe invite someone over and order in instead of going out. If you're worried about conversation see a movie. Get creative and be gentle with yourself.
Socialising is the hardest thing for me. :)