Rant
My ducking god how I hate this bullshït
my sister is depressed and of course, she feels ***. so, she treats herself and the world ***. guess who is included by „the world“? Me. So, naturally, my parents take my sister‘s side to not upset her and trigger her more. Yeah, guess who always is wrong then? Me and my other siblings. And do not get me wrong, I see why they are doing it and part of me wants to do that too. But, why the everlasting *** do I feel so angry?! I feel poorly treated, I feel not listened to, I feel guilty of being angry at my sis. She treats me ***, my parents, my other younger siblings and we all do not deserve this. We do not deserve this. Yes, she does neither. But I can and will not give up my own feelings and my own sanity for her sake. I can and will not sacrifice myself and my younger siblings for her anger issues. She explodes so easily and gets mad for the slightest of reasons and is totally not answering to logic.
”It is not her who is doing this, it is her depression making her do it”, I tell myself. But that does not soothe my wounds. It is still her talking that *** and treating others (and herself) like ***, it is still her. The fact that she probably did not choose this does not erase my wounds. If a soldier is wounded in a battle, his wounds will not disappear when you know that his enemy was ill. Do no harm, but take no ***, but honestly, I am tired of taking *** so that I do not harm her. I hate this and I hate her depression and I hate being angry at her and everyone.
I feel anger, and I embrace it. It is what differs me from her. My anger seals my wounds, burns the edges together. My anger is the fire that keeps my heart beating. It is what stops me from being pulled into the same dark hole she is disappearing in. In the flames of anger I can forge myself an armor. If I am only angry enough, if I am petty enough, if I hate her illness enough, I can go into this battle with my head high. I will always, always choose anger over grief and sadness. Anger is a feeling, sadness is numb. If I despise her shrinking will to live, I make sure I survive.
How are you managing your own illness and anger? @alicethefrog
Depends. I keep it to myself most of the times.
It is great that you can find an outlet for all of it here. What you want to avoid is letting yourself get hurt in the process. @alicethefrog