Need advise re: studying when having depression.

@SailingFox hey. So I just joined today and I saw this and it resonated with me so much. I have done the work and school thing. I actually just graduated with my BA this last December. It's tiring and I give you major props. I would try to look to what you want out if life. A part of me doesnt want anything, but I try to push the part of me that wants the nice house with a nice yard for my dog. I know it's hard to think like that with depression but I try to think more logically than emotionally. Emotionally I want to do nothing and dissapear. With studying, sometimes I just stare and stare and get nothing done and before you know it, a day has gone by of me just simmering in my sadness. Getting some sleep and trying to mentally reset myself helps. Everyone tells me to find something I like but I have yet to find it. I don't find joy in much but I try to think that once I get out of the situation I'm in things will be better.

Thank you so much for replying, and this is helpful @imissmyheart

I took up graphic design before, but Im bent on taking up psychology now. I have always been into understanding the human behaviour, I even cut out interesting articles on psychology and understanding the human mind as a kid. Now the drive and interest is even more because I wanna help people like us, ya know? There is too much pain in this world, its awful. Its no wonder why we are the way we are.

I realize that the two subjects are practically on opposite ends of each other. With graphic design, there werent many reading subjects. As long as I paid attention in class and gave my all in my assignments, Im good. I graduated first class and Im proud of it because I went through so many difficulties to the finish line and not give up. Im so worried that I wont be able to pull in good grades like I did before, and also not being able to perform at my job. My boss trusts me a lot, and I dont wanna bring him down either. My job takes up a lot of my time and creative and mental energy, I also wonder if I have enough left for studies 😢

I could be reading a marketing kit, but nothing is actually digested.

@SailingFox

Of course! And first off, let me congratulate you on graduating 1st of your class! That is no small feat. You should be proud, especially with everything. It's truly amazing. It's mind blowing to me what people can accomplish and you never know what they are going through.

Psych is actually what I just majored in myself! It was not with the intention to help myself, but to get some insight. It's an amazing subject and if you like it, I say go for it. It actually helped me better understand myself in some ways try be more self aware. Trying is all we can do, anyway! I am not sticking on the Psych track (although I strongly debated it) , but I am so thankful from everything I learned and I feel as if I can apply it to anything I do.

The fact that you can do and enjoy graphic design is an art in itself. It's great that you found something you enjoy and that definitely can count as a fun hobby or anything YOU want it to be.

I know that life is hard, that balancing work and school is not easy. Hopefully you can use that trusting relationship with your boss to talk about your priorities & future. If you can't, that is okay too. I know that it is has felt like I am drowning a million times over and I know its not the last time I will feel that way. That is life, get over one obstacle to get another thrown in your face. Lol.

As for the grades, I think society has geared more towards the better grades than actually learning the material. Some teachers are gonna suck, some aren't. You know how it goes. I've had to repeat college subjects before and it hurt me so much (money and emotionally) but in the end I had to take a breather and realize.. it's OK. I felt like such a failure, but I realize, why does society shame when we are already down and trying our best. The studying will be long and tedious and like I said, I've spaced out on work and school. But at least you are aware of it. Use that to your benefit, so when you are on a focus kick, use it to your advantage.

I totally mean what you say about all this. I feel so similarly. You aren't alone in this. <3

@imissmyheart Hey, the stars are aligned! 😄😂

Thank you so much for your advice and insight, its making me worry a little less. I zone out less lately, but probably because of mental stimulation from trying to inhale marketing kits and product knowledge 😅🤣 I still have difficulty remembering things unless I jot them down somewhere, though.

To not worry about pulling in good grades, screw societys harsh judgements and focus on acquiring knowledge instead, right! ☝🏻😂😩 I guess its just me being hard on myself, too. Like while I was struggling with graphic design, I told myself the good grades are a present for myself, ya know? 😓 Whenever I got my results at the end of the semester, my brain will turn quiet for a little while, it felt so serene 🤣

I volunteered as a listener on another app, and I think I may have experienced something traumatic. One of the users I connected with was suicidal, and by the time I could get a couple of senior and lead listeners that user went offline. I couldnt stop crying, I saw her all over the app just screaming for help but I really didnt expect that to happen. The senior listener advised me to take a break until I feel better, so I went offline myself for a few hours and tried to read a book to calm myself down. It made me realize that no matter how hard I try, I cant help everyone but I do want to be better equipped at handling the fragile human emotions and mental state of mind 😓

@SailingFox

Ha ha!:D So sorry for the late reply. And if it helps, my memory is not the best and I'm starting law school ina month! You got this. I use google calendar for EVERYTHING. Nothing wrong with some reminders, etc. Whatever makes life easier for you.

I can totally get why you would be hard on yourself. I can't say I am not guilty of it too. Finishing a project/class/anything feels SO good. And besides, grades don't determine anyone's worth.

As for the traumatic experience you had... wow. I am sorry to hear. I cannot even begin to imagine what went through your mind and feelings. As horrible as it sounds, you cannot control other people's actions. Experiencing that must not have been easy. Like I had said before, I am sure we all feel varying degrees of helplessness and sadness at different times. I try so hard to be aware of it. It does not make my own feelings like that go away, but it helps me realize that it's not forever, even if it feels like it.

Omg yay for law school in a month! 😄❤️🙌🏻 @imissmyheart

Ive given it some more thought and I think Ill just go back to school and wing it. Whatever happens, happens 🤷🏻‍♀️ Ill take it from there and try my best having fun learning which as you said is whats more important, not the grades.

I think the exhaustion of that episode and being a listener/ helper is finally getting to me coz Ive been exhausted lately. Im trying to replenish my energy by just sitting still and trying to read the pile of books by my bedside table 😂😩

Thanks for taking time out to answer my questions and quieting my doubts 😘 I truly appreciate it ❤️💯

@SailingFox I am just about to start school, and I'm also working a job. So I don't know much about that yet, but there are some people in my support group who juggle school, work, and depression, and the good news is that it certainly can be done! They take it slow: one girl only takes two classes currently. You have to accept your limits and just take baby steps. Over time, you might be able to take on more classes at once without getting overwhelmed. The important thing is just going a tiny bit out of your comfort zone without going so far out that you shut down. It is a journey!

@scarletOrange1253 hi! Thanks so much for your input and sharing your knowledge with me! I appreciate it. Yea, Ive decided to stop worrying and just go for it, have fun learning while giving back to society 😅 I think if my work gets too much, Ill just have a chat with my boss on how much I can take to balance with my studies. Once again, thank you! 😘 Ill bear your advise in mind.

@scarletOrange1253 This is some really good input! Thank you for sharing.