Is my depression going to push everyone away from me?

This is a major fear of mine. I have these irrational thoughts like she hates me or my best friend doesnt want me around. I know they are irrational because they are constantly telling me the opposite of these things. I feel like Im a burden to them (especially my best friend who is also my roommate and is the only one who truly sees the real me). I feel like they are all going to get so sick and tired of me that they will leave. Im sick and tired of me, I dont love me so how can they? It makes no sense and no matter what they say thoseirrational thoughts are always louder.

Ive already accomplished pushing everyone away. My husband and family and kids. I have no friends. My social anxiety keeps me from going out much and when i do all i want to do is go home. And when im home all i want to do is sleep. I have to be reminded to eat. I still go to work because i have children and i still have a sense of responsibility but even some days i dont want to do that, i keep thinking itll get better, and even on my good days i fear this empty feeling and emptional meltdowns will come back worse than the last time. They come harder and more frequent now and im not sure how to handle it without medication. Maybe i do need meds though, i really dont know. But getting myself to go get help has been a battle for me as well because i cant get myself to explain anything to anybody because my mind is such a jumbled mess all the time.

@Jade225 you can write down why you feel that depressed and why you wanna push everyone away from you. It's good to find someone to let it all out but sometimes the person who can solve all this mess is yourself.You're the only one who is able to open the lock.

I am naturally a reserved and introverted person. I struggle with depression and social anxiety, and over the years I have become more and more isolated and have lost a lot of friends because of my issues. I only have a few friends left, and I dont know how to make more. I live alone, I moved away for school and I havent socialized at all since I moved here in August. Being alone most of the time is generally okay with me, but it has also made me forget a lot of social skills. I am awkward at making small talk and I dont know how to reach out and ask if someone wants to hang out, because I dont drink and Im not really a party person. I dont know how to stop letting my social anxiety make me so unhappy. I work part time as waitress as a sort of an exposure therapy, and so I dont go weeks without talking to anyone in person. I thought waiting tables would help me get over my social anxiety but Ive been a server for about 5 years and it did help at first, but eventually it got to a point where it stopped getting better.

I try really hard to be happy and nice and I'm always as chilled out and as normal and smily and fun as possible but still none wants me. What am I going to do because I'm on the verge here

Can an unhappy marriage cause deep depression or vice versa?

@Jade225

I understand how you feel, I share some of the same fears myself. I want you to know that you're taking the right steps to feeling better. Sometimes depression can be situational, sometimes more permanent. It's important to be true to yourself about how you feel. If you try to hide it or feign happiness, you will feel all that much more lonely and like you're deceiving your loved ones. As for your parents, it's completely up to you if you tell them, if your gut tells you not to, then I'd listen to it. Sometimes telling a close friend or family member can backfire on you. Sometimes entrusting someone close to you with such an emotional confession can be too much for them to handle and they can react negatively, which makes things worse for you. Believe me, I've been there. Talking to someone anonymous through this website may really help you if you aren't ready for a counsellor or therapist. Just talk to someone, ok? It takes strength just to admit that you're depressed, I'm proud of you for taking a step in a positive direction. :)

@Jade225

Talk to those people and tell them you feel like your being pushed away. And if they contine to push you away, I honestly think you should cut them off, find people who really care. This was really brave of you to ask for help, it shows your strong, you'll make it through this.

@Jade225

Sorry that things aren't seeming supportive around you right now. I've found others who have experienced similar symptoms are easier to get to understand about it (outside of mental health professionals at least). In the meantime listening to guided mindfulness recordings in the path menu here can help you cope in the meantime while figuring out what to do about the rest. It helps me a lot with decreasing anxiety which in turn helps depression because anxiety contributes to depression.

If your family doctor has confidentiality and you are able to make an appointment with them without your parents being involved depending on your age you may be able to get some help without them having to know. I'm not sure if they'd be able to prescribe anything without them being involved but it may be worth asking your doctor next time you have an appointment what is possible for them to provide without parents knowledge and how much privacy confidentiality they can give you.

I recommend getting more vitamin D3 from both food and from being in sun for 15 min a day where possible (sun at 45 degree angle from the ground or higher on clear day with no windows or shade between skin and light rays so the UVB actually reaches skin). Getting daily recommended dose from supplements in combination with other sources is advisable when other sources are lacking or when a deficiency exists (ask doctor to check blood for vitamin levels like D and iron). Vitamin D is required for serotonin in the brain to be made and when there's a lack of it there will usually end up being a type of depression called Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). I've had both this and depression from extreme stress which drained my energy so much I found it hard to self care and stopped wanting to live for a while. Without any vitamin D I doubt even SSRI meds would have worked on me because the meds don't add serotonin to the brain, but just control the reuptake valve which keeps the chemistry active for longer.

Im currently suffering with depression and anxiety disorder. I do realize thats its a thing that i always do when i have my depression, especially when im going crazy. Honestly, I have no idea how would i cope with it and people are definitely leaving me because of it. Im not blaming my depression at all, im blaming myself for not able to think before i act to certain condition or events. Im very close about it and I never tell anyone about what i feel or what is happening except one. Because of them not knowing, they never wanna get close to me which is fine by me, im used to it anyway.

But for now, I have 1 person that I can trust with all my heart and i never want him to leave me but since im getting worse, i cant stop thinking that it isnt worth it for him and if i want him to be happy i should leave, be alone, or die. I want to change but i honestly think i cant and i dont have faith for myself.