I'm a failure
I failed my final exam for Differential Equations today for sure, I didn't answer half of the questions because I didn't know what to do. I could've asked for help but I deserved to fail. When I got home my dad was disappointed in me and I went to my room and holed myself up as I do when I'm upset but he made me come out and then gave me a heartfelt lecture about how he thinks my boyfriend is distracting me and it's ok that I failed but I need to take my life more seriously and he was like me once and I need to regroup and all this stuff. I hate being lectured so I just stared at the wall. I felt so condescended. I almost started crying and a tear fell out of my eye and I immediately wanted to bash my face into the wall for being such a weak idiot. Now I feel like throwing up and dying in a heap on the floor because I'm a disappointment and failure and stupid piece of *** I hate myself so much
please help me stop hating myself
@legaalities please dont hate yourself, you are not a failure. *hugs*
@legaalities you are not a failure
@legaalities
Hey, the fact you even know what a differential equation is shows you're not stupid, and the fact you could answer half the questions.....I'd say that's some achievement too!
I remember my dad giving me a lecture that sounds remarkably similar to what you got from your dad. I resented him at the time too, and he just served to make me feel worse about myself.
But there's two things the years since then have taught me. One is that my dad was actually just trying to say not to waste the gifts you're given. So if you have a sharp mind, it's a shame not to achieve your potential because you got distracted at key times, such as assessments and exams. There's plenty of time for fun, but sometimes it's good to focus. (Sorry, I didn't want this to sound like a lecture too)!
The second thing I've learnt since is far more important.
It doesn't matter
In the search for a happy and fulfilling life, it doesn't matter if you failed at your differential equations exam. Don't get hung up on being a success in everyone else's eyes, at the expense of your own happiness. Try and keep it in perspective....you think you flunked it, but you don't know for sure. And even if you have, it doesn't make you a disappointment, a failure, a stupid piece of shit, or deserving of self hatred. There is much more to you than the number of exams you pass.
And if it's your lifetimes ambition to pass this exam, the great thing about life is that you get lots of second chances. You can always try again. Life is a journey dear friend. Try to take in the views, enjoy the experience, and not get weighed down by baggage along the way. You're no failure......you're just a traveller learning as you go along, much like many before you have had to do, including your dad.
