I can't tell anymore
My first thread on here. Feel free to share your own experience or vent a little.
Was wondering if anyone out there feels the same. That you can't tell whethere you are actually depressed or not.
Am I just sad or is this legitimate depresion. Sometimes i feel like i need to validate my own feelings and it's hard when sometimes i don't know how I actually am. Like what's the problem? And at times I don't know if I blanck out but its as if i don't know how i am feeling. like am I sad, well I don't feel "sad" but then I don' feel "happy. And if I admit to depression then then everything automatically becomes "bad" to put it in simple words.
I feel like there must be some sort of threshold to depression.
I often think perhaps I deal with high functioning depression. In which Ican interact and get things done. function. go to college. walk outside. take a shower. talk to people. But i still feel depressed or sad or lonely or stupid or the human version of a sloth whatever it is and I look fine to everyone else.
Maybe others can share their experience.
I'm currently experiencing a depressive episode, and I'm also wondering whether I was experiencing high functioning depression prior to this. I don't think I was ever "happy", maybe numb?
I had periods during my postgraduate studies where I felt everything was far more of a struggle than usual, periods where I was crying lots, but something drove me to keep pushing, even if it was just getting the bare minimal done.
Even now I still have this push, although it's definitely a lot harder now. My friend suggested I also have anxiety, so I'm wondering if that's what drives me. The guilt and anxiety of the consequences of not getting stuff done pushes me to eventually get out of bed to get into work. What motivates you to keep your normal routine?
@bubbleGlobe Thanks alot for sharing. I definetly see similarities in what motivates us both. Me I'm not one for labels and was hesitant to even insinuate online that 'I maybe have depression- possibly, high functioning depression' but in regards to motivators. Being anxious or guilty or for my own pride/ expectations of others I'm motivated enough (sometimes not) to go to college on time, study, clean the house, look presentable (again sometimes), smal chit chat with people, be polite (even though there are those people i just realy don't want to bother with or kick them in the shins) in my head I have all these rules on how to interact and its my main motivator I guess. I say this is my main motivator because when I get to down my own personal standards drop as does my motivation if you get what I mean. Anyway that little ramble is over.
I'm sorry to hear you are currently experencing this. At least you're not alone and take care.
@stunTic yeah, I have expectations on how I hope to be perceived. I can't imagine myself not showering, dressing in clean clothes, putting on (minimal) make up, etc. I've been slipping lately in how I interact with others, but it's easier with certain people than others. Again, wondering whether it's because I've unknowingly been doing this before.
@stunTic also, labels don't really mean much, but for someone like myself who always wants to understand everything, it offers me as close to an explanation as I can get about what's going on. The difficulty is that it's all in my head, so it's actually only a very tiny part of the explanation...
@stunTic it sounds like you feel very depressed and confused about your feelings.
@stunTic I certainly relate. I felt numb and sad and just a roller coaster of emotions. I was just recently diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder. It is just hard to tell if we actually have depression because it is natural to feel many different emotions throughout the day. Most people with depression still feel happy or many other emotions besides just sad or numb. The only person who can tell you whether or not you actually fit the criteria for depression is a psychiatrist, therapist, pychologist, or other mental health professional. However, how you feel is the way you feel, regardless of whether or not somebody can put an official label on it. If you'd like to talk, I'm here. My listener account is @luminousBraid91. Feel free to reach out anytime!
@stunTic
Congratulations on your first thread :) In my opinion the difference between feeling sad and being depressed is the intesity of feelings, the time consumed with these feelings and the interference of everyday life. Sometimes it can be really hard to tell one from another, when I was going through the same situation I started learning more about depression, it's definition, symptoms and sow if I could relate to them. The best way to find it out is to connect to a therapist and get diagnosed by them but if you are not able to seek professional help at the moment, getting more information about depression or psychology is always helpful :)
