Having depression since childhood?
I don't like saying this but, from what I have discussed with my therapist (who I have only seen for the past 2 year), seems I have struggled with depression way earlier than teenage years. If I had to point out a period, would be 8-9 years old when started. The thing is, I start to feel pretty bad about it:
1. No one seems to believe children can have depression, and even though I exhibited symptoms and everyone shown concern, no one cared to get me help and just thought was a phase and let me go. When I started talking, smiling and eating again "hurray she's okay" but I wasn't.
2. Thinking on how I have struggled for so long is demotivating, because I never remember being "okay" even though I always put a mask. I am recovering in a way, but I had a big trouble accepting change into "okay", and even worse, accepting "genuinely happy" because was a somewhat foreign and scary concept for me.
3. I don't see many people mentioning this aspect, having depression as a child and into adulthood - I am sure (or so I hope) there are people openly discussing it, but I rarely find it, so I feel alone. If anyone has some articles on it, please link them.. Or stories, idk. I just feel I need to relate.
4. Not to mention, I feel like I am making it up. It was a reason why I never really asked for help, because I couldn't pin point when happened, and I know the whole question "why are you depressed" is invalidating for many, as much as me: but for me "when did you get depressed" is even worse. How do you say "since I can remember" without sounding like you are wanting to be a special snowflake of sorts - or wanting your life to sound miserable?
5. My childhood was 'bad' but not Daytime Talk Show bad - and what I mean is, it wasn't dramatic enough to make people go "you poor thing" (good, because I hate pity but bad, because invalidation). Everyone in my family says I had an amazing childhood but.. I won't go deep in it. I just, didn't. It was okay and I had some nice moments that I cherish, but it was bad and I had terrible moments.
Anyone out there experiencing this? Because this experience keeps holding me back, making me feel there is no exit, that I am doomed to rest of my life to always have to fight the depression episodes, and it keeps getting harder to fight, although I have more okay moments now than.. any other time. I just keep expecting it to happen again, a deep depression I can runaway from, as if it's written on my fate since birth.
most of my life lived in severe depression and anxiouty, due to unrecognised autism and being tooooooo sensetive in this unnice world. been ashamed for it a long time. i started self harm at age 6. have self harmed 26 years....
dont know what to say... am to tired. but you may send me personal message :-)
when i dont react, its mostly because i loose sence of language in times of stress. but give me time. i will try to answer always!!!
@givemecoffee Thank you for sharing this! I was actually thinking about this today. I realized I've been depressed and have had suicidal thoughts since I was about 10 years old and I'm now 23 still living with this. I remember trying to tell my parents about my depression at a young age and they didnt believe me. They told me I didnt know what depression was and that I was being "dramatic." So obviously ever since then I've kept my depression and my self harming ways to myself.
I totally understand where you are coming from. Feel free to reach out if you want to talk.
xo Gwen
@givemecoffee
Children can definitely have depression. Same as how children can have schizophrenia (psychosis) and bipolar. Issues like personality disorder however only manifest in later ages. Mental issues usually develop in early to late twenties, those are the peak ages according to research but it does not condone the fact that children do in fact have depression.
