Feeling Rushed

@determinedHemlock9877

Hi Hemlock! Hope you are doing ok as I am writing this. I believe we talked in the chat room recently. Sorry you are going through this. You were great, trying to support in the room, I could never even tell you went through an anxiety attack, and your post is very well-written also. I wonder if maybe you are a perfectionist at heart.

Anyhow, to answer your question, I am not sure if something like this happened to me, but I can tell you that I have had attacks where I didn't even know what they were. I was suffering from mental health issues and did not even know it or what they were and in younger years I ende up in the ER a couple times.

Through trial and error, I decided I did not want to end up like that. I ended up incorporating mindfulness and reading about it. I kind of tried to control my anxiety on my own which obviously is not possible so I commend you for seeking help for it. The idea at the time scared me. I did look for help but felt really bad about it and inadequate. That only delayed my healing, but I now cannot recall the last time I had an attack like that. I definitely know when my anxiety got worse, but I have used a combination of tactics or efforts but I would not recommend you to do it alone.

For me what currently causes me anxiety is not feeling productive or stressing myself out, and also I realize that in the past I was being too hard on myself. I was actually judging myself negatively for having issues.

But again I do congratulate you for wanting to do something about it. I know I feel better sometimes when I take action on something, but I think sometimes I overdo it and maybe not feeling entirely comfortable. That is when I use some sort of meditation, or distraction, even being here responding to you is beneficial to me because it feels like I am investing my time to help someone.

Most days I am not like this, and I derive pleasure even in the smaller things. The only problem with me is that I don't feel good unless I feel like I am somehow helping someone else but I am also selfish because I want to derive a benefit from it.

Anway I do wish you good luck and sounds like you are already on your way to recovering

p.s. don't feel rushed, give yourself some time, try to enjoy life!

Thank you so much for posting!!

Hey there reliable! Yes we did speak in the sharing circle and it was very helpful for me just like you said to be able to help others. It is truly one of my greatest joys. I light up inside when I can just be a compassionate listening ear and offer some sort of help. Yes I definitely am a perfectionist and I too am very hard on myself. Growing up in a strict household on top of having perfectionism as a part of my personality has caused me to really beat up on myself and see myself as worthless in my lowest moments. I became very good at suppressing it and keeping it in my head but it festers and it turns into anxiety attacks. I had my first one around 2010 and didn’t have another one until I was pregnant with my daughter in 2019. It was awful because it happened where I was working at the time. I’m a singer and I could finish that day. I had so many worries and the main one was that I was feeling so weak and tired from being pregnant that is slowed me down so I couldn’t work as much. Now thinking back it seems so irrational for me to have thought that way about myself when I was literally growing a human. Now I’m in the process of analyzing my thoughts in a productive way and intentionally sharing my journey so that okie you said, I don’t have to do any of this alone. Thank you so much for taking the time out to respond to me and I will say to you to make sure to always give yourself the kindness and compassion you are giving to others. It is so soothing to be seen heard and encouraged and you’re doing that for others. It’s ok to give that to yourself. I’m going to take my own advice as well lol. Right now I’m writing a list in my journal of good things I notice about myself and my accomplishments. It’s so I can see on paper the opposite of the negative things my mind tries to tell me about myself. Keep using your tools. I have some that I thought were useless for a bit because I had the episodes yesterday and the day before. But I picked them up again today when I was feeling a wave of anxiety and it worked to totally get my mind on track again and see that I was right to follow where my heart was leading me. Sending you lots of love and light and wishing you a wonderful healing journey. I will remain patient with myself through mine as well. ❤️

@determinedHemlock9877 So glad this was helpful to you!

I am going to sleep soon as I have not really slept well last night. Sure, I do hope to catch you here again sometime!

@determinedHemlock9877 I'm sorry you feel this way, feel free to msg me whenever you wish ❤️

Thanks so much. I appreciate your kindness. ❤️ I’m feeling better at this point of the day. I’ve just been absorbing good information like a video that was recommended to me on here. Journaling too. I’m here if you ever need a chat as well. I love the way this community is so supportive. It’s helping me so much.

That is exactly how you feel after a panic attack. It is perfectly normal. Your brain needs some time to get itself back to a normal speed. It is exhausting though. Take things slow and give yourself time to relax. @determinedHemlock9877

Yes. I have felt tired mostly and like I have to ease back fullly into my normal routine with house work and all that. I’m literally like “just do what you can”. Thank God my house isn’t a mess but there is always work to be done. I’m just not going to pressure myself into rushing to do it all at once. I always have a million things on my mind always trying to prepare for the future way ahead of time and it’s exhausting. It doesn’t let me live in the now. Maybe that’s a lesson I can take from all of this is that I need to do one thing at a time. Be a lot more patient with myself than I have been.

Yup, patient and grateful. By that I mean being grateful with yourself and what you do accomplish on a daily basis. This is absolutely the hardest part. You need to recognize that every little bit you accomplish is actually a huge mountain that you have climbed. Even if it is just making a bed. When you start to call yourself awesome for the simple things then the deep future things seem less stressful. @determinedHemlock9877

I never felt I could call myself awesome for the simplest things without it feeling like a joke. Can I really give myself permission to do that??? Why does that feel so… it makes me cry because it’s like I want to be compassionate with myself but I am having such a hard time. My sister and I just spoke about how we were taught growing up to just “push through and do” and it’s so hard to just be.

Your brain and your own family history are telling you not to feel that little things matter. It is hard to retrain the brain to think differently.

I think it starts by repeating it to yourself even if you don't believe it. Maybe you could journal it a bit: write down 3 mini accomplishments for each day. @determinedHemlock9877

i took a the time today to celebrate a moment. I wrote a post a couple of hours ago about it and that felt so so good. I appreciate the journey that I went on today to get me to a place where I could do that and it started here. Thank you. It took a series of events but it helped me get back into and stay in my heart space today and that was were I found my intrinsic awesomeness. This is actually blowing my mind. I wish I could explain it all but suffice to say that I got to a place where what you said became possible. I had to get past the learned behavior and belief system and my experience today helped me get there.

That is terrific! You really should celebrate this one. It may not last forever, but when you get those victories you take them. You worked hard. @determinedHemlock9877