Am I just avoiding help?

So I've been struggling with depression on and off for about 2 1/2 years now, and while I don't consider it to have been severe (I've never been suicidal or anything like that), I have, however, thought about self harm numerous times, although most of those times I didn't consider it a valid option. I have definitely struggled with patterns of self-destructive thinking, which has been less severe over the past year or so, but it seems to be lingering. I've sometimes skipped meals as a sort of passive-aggressive self-harm, and although that's not very frequent, it seems to go along with the distorted thinking. I also have noticed that I'm really hard on myself in general and I feel like since I'm managing to appear okay most of the time, I should be able to deal with this alone. Lately I've really been feeling the need to express some of these things and even to get help, but it just seems so scary to have people know I'm struggling, and I'm afraid of what they'll think. I don't really know what to do; thoughts or advice are appreciated!! Thanks for reading ☺