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the soul-crushing loneliness of a single, soon-to-be 30-year-old lesbian with bpd
hardworkingBunny4133 January 8th, 2023
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hey all.

i came on here years ago when i was in a very bad place and it helped me a lot to be able to help others in group chat. unfortunately, i am in a bad place again.

i have borderline personality disorder (among other things) and i have an fp, which is a constant rollercoaster as anyone with an fp will tell you. i can have euphoric highs and unbearable lows within the same hour of talking to her. i'm not even with her, but i love her so much... however it is exhausting emotionally (bpd in general is exhausting but having an fp makes me feel especially unstable).

this is on top of so many other things that are converging in my life, making me feel completely trapped and out of control.

i'm in therapy and on medication, my family has been patient and supportive overall, i have friends i talk to (though i have been isolating)- but i'm still so unbelievably depressed and lonely, crying from stress frequently, panic attacks, feeling like an unwanted burden and like i'm replaceable, etc. the weight of time and life is so heavy and i wish i weren't alone. the older i get the more i feel like i'm running out of time, and worry there isn't anyone who could ever love me with all of my problems. not enough to stay at least.

so i'm feeling quite desperate and i hope coming here can help me again like it did before.

- bunny

2
Meesher11 January 10th, 2023
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hi bunny,


I’m sorry your feeling so low, I can totally understand where your coming from. I too share similar feelings about life…


We all know that life isn’t easy and it doesn’t come with instructions. When it comes to any mental illness I truly believe support is one of the biggest parts to healing and recovering from any type of long-term trauma and paying that it leaves on us. I don’t know anything about BPD or FP but what I suffer from is depression and anxiety and I often feel the traumatic leftover pain from my life choices and experiences.

There isn’t anything new that I’m going to say that’s going to make any significant changes in your life other than to be a stranger with the air and a mouthful of encouragement for you and your situation. I have children as well and struggle with my mental illness on a daily.

when I can say is to utilize the people around you to create a very strong foundation of support getting together for dinner or brunch or breakfast and letting them know your struggles and what you really need from a community based family. We are human and sometimes yes we need back up and that back up is in the form of our family members seeking free therapy groups in your community with your church I know all sounds so cringe but trust when I say there’s so many women and men out there that can lend support in a major way for free


i’m sorry that you’re feeling this way at this point the best advice that I could give to you right now is to hold your own hand feel your own skin and tell yourself that no matter what happens everything‘s gonna be OK because you’re going to walk with trust faith and love and kindness and an open mind to receive help blessings from all places


hugs from a stranger,

Michelle

bestVase7265 January 10th, 2023
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Feel free to come here any time. We all struggle and need one another.

It sounds like you are doing good things to try to help. Those things matter a great deal.

I know that for me I eventually discovered that the more I tried to do things (rather than focusing on how I was "thinking wrong") the easier it was to eventually heal some.

What kinds of things do you do during the day to help yourself feel better?

You can do this and you have people who want to support you here. @hardworkingBunny4133

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