loop of loneliness

its always the same, staying up late completely tired but also restless

reading fanfiction and listening to music only distracts me for a moment before i fall back into a slump feeling worse than before

tried venting to friends and family, they either dont understand and dismiss me or try to help but its never working

thinking about how to explain this to my therapist but i cant seem to find the right words. plus shes on vacation right now so i cant comtact her

its really simple though. all i want is for a special someone to hold me close at night. im thinking that, even if that wish came true it wont cure me of my depression. a significant other wont be able to heal me. just that thought alone makes me want to bash my head into a wall.

stacked with highschool stress, hours and hours wasted in class where i dont understand a single thing, buried under homework, essays and exams and never being able to work through it all

just reading this should make anyone of yall come to the conclusion that i need professional help. breathing and yoga excercises only do so much until they turn into a dreaded chore, too

im just, so tired. nobody really knows how to help. ive stopped reaching out for people because of that. im so tired