bleh

It can be so hard when depression gets deep and everything feels like you are walking through sludge.

Are things any better today?

If exercise feels too tough, start with even more basic stuff. How are you eating and are you drinking enough fluids? Those things can be also hard to do but without the energy that you get from those things fighting the depression is even harder.

Sending peace. @TheBestScreenName

im supposed to drink often through out the day, i have coffee, and sugar free kool aid on occasion, my appetite since my gastric surgery is a hit or miss, i really dont need to eat much but im supposed to have 80 grams of protein a day which i doubt i come close too.

i dont enjoy eating anymore let alone cooking for myself.

since the summer kicked up i rarely go outside during the day now.

i find my life pointless,

i also find doing the " positive things " pointless as well.

sadly I am stuck in a trap, and when all i see is pointlessness, and experience nothing but negative outcomes, wanting to try becomes non existent , I am just here because if i wasnt, my family would be deeply hurt by me not being here.

ive lost the drive and motivation i once had, i dont get excited about anything anymore, my weightloss while good means nothing to me,

i am just a void of negativity 

the only thing i really enjoy are my comics, i tried years ago to get a job at my local comic store, to no avail.

i just wish it was all over

Things have not getting better for me mentally, physically I am fine. staying on my diet and losing weight.

I haven't weighed myself, I don't want to, but I can just look and tell where I am about weight wise cause ive been on the slim side and obese side so many times, plus the size clothing im wearing im back down to an XXL but i prefer to wear the XXX.

so physically positive news, i prevented myself from eating myself to death, " sarcastically slow claps".

Eating was one of the few things I did enjoy, now I cant stand to eat.

I am back to eating 2 oz of protein usually in the after noon, i try to get in a few pieces with in 2 hrs time. mostly i have been drinking coffee...

im not meeting the protein requirements of 80 grams of protein a day.

I see my psychatrist tomorrow to get meds refilled, ill probably belly ache to her a tiny bit.

my biggest problem is zero friends and being lonely.

im just out of hope. i been indoors mostly this summer cause it is just too hot.

im not getting a car again till i sell the family home, so i am stuck at home unless i decide to take a cab, but since i have no desire to do anything, no need to really worry about getting a cab.

ill go walking again when the weather cools off, 

i honestly do hate myself and my life. if it wasnt for my dad i'd be homeless, and in time ima end up living with my sibling, which will help to a degree and cause me to continue being a dependent / useless.

a drain

goody good thoughts dont do me any help, hoping doesnt help, dreaming about a better future just leads to being hopeless because dreams with out goals or action are just dreams.

i got enough money tied up in this house to survive, if i had a woman that loved me, and wanted me in her life and showed interest in me, id gladly dump every last penny into what ever she wanted and make a go of it and be positive like there was no tomorrow.

but id have to fake being happy and positive long enough to find  a woman and not expose her to how depressed and anxiety ridden i really am.

id be thrilled to know when my ticket is being punched and that I only had to make it to a certain point in time. But if my ticket aint getting punched for another 45 years. I'd probably not wana know.

I ask myself why i got the gastric bypass,  part of me did it because it was something to do, some way to control some small aspect of my life which is my weight, I knew my dad was going to make it *** on me and he does, constantly asking what i can eat, do i want to go out to eat, do i want cake. an then he gets all DUR on me when i fuss and yell at him about it. So that is the double edged part, the other reason part of me got the surgery was hoping i didnt wake up from it. figured well, if anything i got a 1% chance something bad happens, and on the upside i fix something.

what ever.

please if anyone wants to give me positive vibes, flowers, etc, dont. it isn't appreciated.

and i drove a half hour to my apt to get whoopsie your doc left due to an emergency, soorrrrrrrrrrrry.

slow claps.

least it wasn't a critical apt.

It all feels pretty *** sometimes, doesn't it? I can feel how exhausted you are with how long it takes to feel better. 

I am sorry that I didn't see that earlier message. Somehow it didn't appear in my feed. 

That you are doing better with eating is a good thing, even if it doesn't feel like it. Each step that you take in that direction gives you more energy to fight the depression monster beast. Do try to get in that protein even if it is nuts, beans, and tofu. You need that energy. 

It can be so hard when loneliness hits as well. How much time are you spending on the computer? That can really increase your loneliness. You might not be able to get outside except early in the morning or late in the day (I have to do it before 7 am or after 7 pm), but even sitting my a window where you can see the clouds can help. 

Note that nothing I am suggesting is some goody, goody pie in the sky dream. It is all about really specific actions and doing them over and over again. 

Feel free come here every night for support. I will give you regular, step by step goals and encouragement. You took a big step with the gastric bypass.

Now it is time to get the rest of you feeling better. It isn't going to happen quickly, but it can happen. It is time to try. You deserve to feel a little better.