Soliloquy
I wonder if other people feel lonely, not from time to time or every other day, but at least once every single day. I wonder if the loneliness people feel is from a desire to just have some company to help pass the time or if it's something else. Am I alone in my anxieties and fears? I have friends and family to celebrate milestones and special occasions. But the things that weigh on me, the seemingly trivial and completely forgettable nuances that happen to me from day to day are real only to me and nonexistent to anyone else. No one sees me or hears me, I don't exist except maybe once in a while when there's a reason to have me around. And this drowning, this fading I feel, the loneliness that has consumed and replaced my joy, my laughter, my hopes and aspirations, my love and passions, this loneliness is a tomb, a soundproof prison because there's no casual way to tell someone you feel like you don't exist. So I smile as much as I can around everyone else and tell them I'm fine and hope that the facade of cheerfulness will somehow transmute the creeping despair gripping my soul into some sort of reprieve, some kind of escape from this prison, this tomb of my loneliness. I wonder how much longer until this feeling passes. I wonder if anyone will even notice.
@ShadesBluer Hey there. Thanks for reaching out. Your story resonates with me very strongly. I know how it feels to "feel" lonely inside no matter how many people are around you and with the best company possible. I would still feel so lonely inside and it was unbelievable to everyone. You are not alone in this because I went through exactly the same feelings, but I cannot promise that things WILL surely be better with time. However, the deep sense of loneliness everyday is what I experienced for a number of years, and it was really hard for me. I felt that no one could and would understand me and it intensified my feelings of loneliness everyday. In general, things do get better with time and I have almost now accepted this feeling of loneliness and try my best to make my life more interesting to myself and mask those lonely feelings. One thing for sure is your feelings are valid and very real, especially when trivial matters seem important to you but not everyone else. Music helps numb these feelings for me and helps me alot. I started finding ways and methods to entertain me as much as possible so I could cope with feeling lonely. Stay strong and I hope this feeling does improve for you with time. Peace!
@LuckyCloverX Thank you so much for the words of encouragement and for sharing your own experience. I've wondered why I feel lonely when there are so many people in my life that I could reach out to and why it is that I don't. It seems to me that everyone either doesn't feel the same way or they hide it very well. How did you get through so many years feeling like you couldn't tell the people closest to you how you were really feeling? Did you get frustrated trying to explain to other people but not getting them to understand? I spend too much time thinking about these things and I tend to cope with the loneliness in unhealthy ways. Accepting the way things are seems like giving up. But passing the time just to avoid facing my loneliness doesn't feel like really living either. I guess I'll just end with thanks again for acknowledging me.