Removed from my friends lives for being inactive
Recently my depression and anxiety have started to spiral and I decided to take some time off work (work being one of the contributing factors to my dip in mental health). I've been a lone mobile worker for the past 4 years and that has meant my social life has been virtually non existent. I have 2 work friends, however. We rarely get the opportunity to work together as we are primarily lone workers but we were in daily communication and would meet up outside of work. Since my depression and anxiety took a turn for the worse over a month ago, I haven't felt able to talk to either of my friends. Friend A made one attempt at contacting me after 2 weeks of me being absent and Friend B contacted me straight away with some regularity to try and convince me to come back to work so she wouldn't have to cover my shifts (when she saw that was an inevitability she just stopped trying to contact me).
Anyway, this past month I haven't felt up to talking but when I finally mustered up the strength a few days ago to reach out I realised that they had both deleted and/or blocked me on all social media! Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat.. I mean to the extent that they removed me as a friend on a gaming console. In the space of the last month I have done literally nothing to engage with them, so I haven't done anything in particular to warrant this exclusion, other than the whole not talking thing. So I reached out nonetheless, on the platforms where I had been merely removed and not blocked. I apologised for not talking and explained about my depression (which they already knew about), and I was left on read.
I'm just really hurt and confused. I mean, I'm already hurt and confused and this has just added to it. I didn't mean to hurt either of them by not talking, but it's been around a month and they've just decided jointly to cut me out of their lives completely? I know nobody can give me an answer but them as to why they did what they did, but I'm wondering if it's actually worth chasing an answer. It just seems extremely weird to me that someone would do that to a friend. Maybe they thought the same of me not talking to them. But why wouldn't you at least try and contact me again beforehand, or you know, give it a little bit more time? Why even delete me at all? You could just ignore me. The act of deletion feels like a punishment of some kind.
I know I should be focusing on my recovery but this just feels like a major set back, and I'm left feeling more lost and alone than ever.
I'm sorry that you have gone through this. Your "friends" must have felt upset/offended/hurt in some capacity to cut you out like that but they should have at least reached out before doing so. Friendships are like any relationship, effort needs to be made from both parties for them to continue. I'm sorry that you are feeling hurt by this, it makes sense that you would but if they have abandoned you in a time of need then they were not genuine friends to begin with. With time, I hope that you can join some groups or forums (even online) which will give you access to like-minded people where you can make true friends who will stand by you. Best of luck.
@purpleWater5328 Thank you for your kind words. I realise that my silence must have hurt them, and for that I am sorry and have told them such, but like I said, I just found the whole 'removing me from everything' a bit extreme, especially without any real effort on their part to follow up with me. You're right though. Perhaps they just weren't true friends.
@KittyKatya Not that anyone is following this but I wanted to do a quick update, for my own sanity if nothing else, after reaching out to my 2 friends yesterday, I finally got a response that started with "I'm sorry that you feel that way". The rest of the message was my friend telling me how I'd hurt them by not talking to them and that deleting me from all social media wasn't meant to hurt me, they just didn't want to see me online if I wasn't talking to them... I'm just dumbfounded quite honestly.
Hi there, hope you feel doing better. You know, relationships are complicated, people can be hard to understand. Situations like this happen all the time just don't take it to seriously. I know your friends will understand you and if they don't they remove from your life but eventually you will find other people. The key is that you don't let it disturb your inner peace.
Hi Kitty, after reading your post I really feel for you, I know how hurtful this can be. I have realised over the years what "luck" means. Luck is the people you meet, I know there are other forms but nothing has had a graeter impact on my life. When I went to a new school, went to university, applying for jobs, moving house, for all of this I never considered the role in my destiny that would be played by other people. Like eveything else there have been times of good fortune and times of bad luck. If people are fortunate they will be happier, more successful, healthier and even live longer. The incidence of depression, diabetes, heart disease and life expectancy have all been shown to correlate with the quality of personal relationships. If they are unlucky then it can lead to the very hardest problems we have to cope with in life. When I am let down by someone it affects me in so many ways, it affects my confidence, increases my anxiety, yet I realise that I was just unlucky.
I have had both good and bad fortune. But since my depression took hold about 12 years ago, I have gradually withdrawn more and more. It has now been over 10 years since I last had a friend.
Take heart though Kitty, your luck will change ! There is always someone out there who will be kind to you!