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KittyKatya
108 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2021 Member sinceMay 3, 2019
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Removed from my friends lives for being inactive
Depression Support / by KittyKatya
Last post
 May 17th, 2021
...See more Recently my depression and anxiety have started to spiral and I decided to take some time off work (work being one of the contributing factors to my dip in mental health). I've been a lone mobile worker for the past 4 years and that has meant my social life has been virtually non existent. I have 2 work friends, however. We rarely get the opportunity to work together as we are primarily lone workers but we were in daily communication and would meet up outside of work. Since my depression and anxiety took a turn for the worse over a month ago, I haven't felt able to talk to either of my friends. Friend A made one attempt at contacting me after 2 weeks of me being absent and Friend B contacted me straight away with some regularity to try and convince me to come back to work so she wouldn't have to cover my shifts (when she saw that was an inevitability she just stopped trying to contact me). Anyway, this past month I haven't felt up to talking but when I finally mustered up the strength a few days ago to reach out I realised that they had both deleted and/or blocked me on all social media! Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat.. I mean to the extent that they removed me as a friend on a gaming console. In the space of the last month I have done literally nothing to engage with them, so I haven't done anything in particular to warrant this exclusion, other than the whole not talking thing. So I reached out nonetheless, on the platforms where I had been merely removed and not blocked. I apologised for not talking and explained about my depression (which they already knew about), and I was left on read. I'm just really hurt and confused. I mean, I'm already hurt and confused and this has just added to it. I didn't mean to hurt either of them by not talking, but it's been around a month and they've just decided jointly to cut me out of their lives completely? I know nobody can give me an answer but them as to why they did what they did, but I'm wondering if it's actually worth chasing an answer. It just seems extremely weird to me that someone would do that to a friend. Maybe they thought the same of me not talking to them. But why wouldn't you at least try and contact me again beforehand, or you know, give it a little bit more time? Why even delete me at all? You could just ignore me. The act of deletion feels like a punishment of some kind. I know I should be focusing on my recovery but this just feels like a major set back, and I'm left feeling more lost and alone than ever.
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New here, having a pretty bad night
Newbie Hub / by KittyKatya
Last post
 April 19th, 2021
...See more Hey all. I'm new here, so I'm sorry if I'm not using this forum as intended. I have been considering using this service for a while, as I've been struggling a lot more lately with my anxiety and depression, but I kind of just needed to vent tonight. I thought about entering a chat with one of the wonderful listeners but honestly I'm too exhausted to hold up a proper conversation, with the back and forth, so I'm just going to let it spill out here. Last February, just before lockdown started my grandad passed away, and now, a year later, just as things are starting to regain some sort of normality, my gran has been rushed into hospital. I don't know the full extent of what has happened but it would seem that she's been struggling with mobility and her mental state has been degrading for a while and it has only just occurred to my mum today to call the doctors. Whilst I'm sure the backbone of this inaction is that she was afraid they would take my gran away, I am so angry and upset right now. Not just at her, but myself. My mum chose to move in with my gran and my elderly godfather, supposedly to take care of them, but she just lets their lives fall into disrepair. She puts a great deal of pressure on my 80 year old godfather to do the brunt of the work and is now penalising him for things getting this bad. And I'm mad at myself because I wasn't there for my gran like I should have been. This last year has obviously been difficult as far as social interaction is concerned, and I live in a completely different town from my family and have remained working and dealing with my own anxiety, so it hasn't been easy to stay in touch, but I should have been there for her more. I really hate myself right now because I'm just as bad as my mum, not realising anything was wrong until it's too late. Or realising but being in denial. I think since my grandad died I've been hit with the realisation that my gran and godfather could die at any time, and I've overwhelmed myself with that thought. Instead of spending as much time with her as possible I've just sealed myself off from everybody, more so. Then my anger just circles back around to my mum because she was there and didn't do anything to stop things getting to this point. As previously mentioned I suffer from long term anxiety and depression, but they have been particularly bad the past few weeks, to the extent I've had to take a bit of time off work and have started some new medication. I'm still adjusting to it and feeling all the negative side effects and I'm just trying to get back on my feet and then this happens and I'm completely floored. I feel physically ill right now and I just needed to get this out of my system, so thank you to those of you who sat through this.
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