Need Someone To Talk To

this is why I hate feeling alone. my

friends really wanted to go to the movies with me. no harm in that. I should feel welcomed and loved. instead I feel mad because I don't have any money to go to the movies. a normal person would have just made a date for a different time or would have let their friends go with someone else. but when K was invited to go to the movies with my friends after I said no, I should have been fine with it. in my mind I was, but something inside of me disagreed. the loneliness hit me like a slap in the face. it hasn't been this bad in a long time. it's like a giant dark weight filled with sadness sitting in my gut. no matter what I try to do, I'm not able to feel any happiness when this is happening. all I feel is sad and alone. and these thoughts start churning in my head.

like they'll like K better. I won't be the funny one anymore because she's funnier. they'll make a new group chat with just them and her and no one will respond to me again. she has more in common with the two of them, they'll like her better. she's way prettier than me.

these thoughts plunge my confidence to the negatives. and I'm so sick of this loneliness feeling. I want it to go away