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My only goal is to outlive my dogs
SailorSeahorse December 6th, 2022
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Hi everyone. Thanks for reading this. I'm 35, female. I'm severely depressed and I don't know what to do about it anymore. I'm wait for insurance to (hopefully) approve TMS treatment, but I'm scared it won't work.


Anyway. I spoke to an ex yesterday. He's someone who was very bad for me, he has anger issues and almost never said he loved me. But I was crazy in love with him. We broke up 2 years ago and I still love him. He has a new girlfriend now, of course. But I had a biopsy yesterday for skin cancer and it made me want to tell him that I still love him, and miss him. I don't want to be with him. He was not good to me. But it still crushed me to learn about his girlfriend.


It doesn't help that I'm totally and utterly alone. I have a roommate, who is my asexual ex bf and coworker. But that's not a healthy relationship and that's literally all I've got. I've given up on the idea that I'll ever find love. But how do I stop the pain associated with unrequited love. There's got to be a healthy way to deal with it.


I've been making poor choices lately. But I just don't feel like there's any point to life anymore.

4
RootedTree333 December 6th, 2022
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Hi @SailorSeahorse. I'd like to share my experience. If it doesn't help or vibe with you, please disregard it.

I dealt with unrequited love for about 3 years. I loved this person and tried to show it to them in many ways. In the end, they didn't want me. I had given my time and attention to this person when they didn't want it. At one point, I realized that I taking actions that weren't beneficial to me. I got mad. I got mad at them and at myself. Anger was needed for me to make a shift.

I started to center myself and what I needed. I've found people who love me back, friends, and an intimate partner.

I still love this person. I dream about them. I've also accepted that I will always love them because the love came from me...it's a part of me. Since I'm not actively trying to give this person love they don't want and I'm not contacting this person (which would make them uncomfortable and continue making me feel rejected) my love isn't hurting them or me. It's lost its pain over time, over many years.

RootedTree333 December 6th, 2022
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@SailorSeahorse Also sending you so much compassion... It sounds like you're going through so much.

SailorSeahorse OP December 6th, 2022
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Thank you so much.

bestVase7265 December 7th, 2022
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You never know what kinds of therapy or help are going to work. I am so sorry that things have been so hard lately.

What kinds of things do you do to care for yourself?@SailorSeahorse

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