Loneliness and depending on myself

Hi, Mylo here! 🙂 It's totally fine if nobody has anything to say about this thread. Just reading through it is fine, but I just wanted to get some things off my chest. <3

I've had depression for most of my life, and for a year now, I've finally been trying to live my life in a new and different way where I challenge myself constantly and don't give up no matter what happens. I've realized that the only person who will always have my back 100 percent of the time is myself. And so, I started to teach myself to be my own cheerleader in life, because I was done with waiting for the things I wanted to fall into my lap. Life is more complicated than that, and I'm responsible for myself. I couldn't rely on someone to save me, because I had to save myself. The journey hasn't been easy and I'm aware of the fact that I'm pushing myself too hard sometimes. 

To get to the point, even though I'm better mentally then I was before, I'm just really lonely. I only rely on myself for things and I give myself pep talks to keep me going, but the loneliness doesn't go away, and some nights it's a powerful thing. I thought that if I gave myself some independence and relied solely on myself, eventually this craving for close friendships and relationships would go away. I wonder if perhaps I've adopted an ideology that's unrealistic. I talk to myself a lot, because nobody in my life is currently emotionally available enough to support me, and I respect that.

It's hard to live this way, but I promise I won't give up, not ever. And to anyone else who might feel this way, you're not alone. ❤️