@Grey27
Hi there, Grey ❤️ I'm lumie. I read your post today and I usually don't go out of my way to reply to some since I'm always at a loss of words but I wanted to reply to you here. It's mostly because it highlights something I've thought of for the longest time.
I hear your struggle with depressive episodes, I know how hard they are, how they seem so endless and it's like, there's just no hope, for so long. To hear the past 6 months have been the worst, I just want to say I'm glad you're here, here as in still here and on this site where us, members receive emotional support. Pulling out of a depressive episode, I've tired, it hardly ever works, maybe sometimes we get some fillers that just take up place for it, we forget how bad it gets. That happens.
I can understand the disappointment - to work hard for accomplishing something but having nothing at the end. To try hard and get a job, thinking maybe that would help, it hurts to know that our efforts did work out but not in the way we would've liked. I know it must feel discouraging even, I want you to know that it's okay ❤️ You still pushed through and now even though it's something different than how you were hoping to feel, you made progress.
We often let things pass us by, sometimes it's very unintentional too. It's okay. Being alone with our thoughts is not so nice. I can't really sugarcoat that, ever. But I imagine that since you're here, you may not feel as alone with your thoughts, I hope you don't. At least moving forward.
I understand your emptiness, feelings of regret and disappointment. I know that it must be extremely hard for you right now to hold on to things. I would still like to encourage you to try, maybe look forward to a web series that you like, look forward to the morning when birds chirp, it can be anything. Little things that we often overlook might just end up being a lot more. I know it's easier said than done, I struggle too. But wouldn't it be okay to just try 1% harder each day?
I know this message might not be something you were hoping. I don't really have tips other than trying. I'm a lover, I guess so I've always just tried loving more - life, things, people. They keep me going. It may sound silly, childish even but that's what keeps me going. I hope that you find something that helps you too.
I'm sending you *hugs* and lots of keep-going beams ❤️