I get how you feel. I'm going through a very tough time right now as well. My boyfriend and I broke up with the intention of getting back together (it's a bit complicated, but it's ultimately because he was burnt out and such) and now he's back with his ex. Apparently they both still have feelings for each other and they want closure. I have been pushed out of his life for months...and I was left alone. He said so many hurtful things...and seeing her or them together is extremely triggering for me. I had to learn and tell myself that him being with her now doesn't mean that I'm a bad person. It doesn't mean anything bad about me. It's just him sorting things out with her. I've been working on self love a lot since the breakup. I've learned that there are certain days where I may feel different. Where I'll have negative thoughts. And...that's okay. I make sure to take note of it and understand that it will pass.
I know how it feels to be lonely. To not have anyone there...that even when you're crying in public with peers, few actually reach out and ask if you're okay. However, I've had days where I realize...it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if other people don't see me, because I see myself. In those times, I feel so confident and powerful. People may not reach out to me much...they may not look my way, but I know my worth.
I know my value. I have made it past all the worst days in my life. I am still here now, and I have learned so much in my journey called life. Sometimes, I can't pick myself back up. Some days are tougher than others. Sometimes it feels like things won't ever change...like things will stay bad forever. They don't, though. Things always get better. That's why I'm here now. Things have always gotten better after times where I feel like my life will always be overwhelming.
I have hope. I hope in my heart that great things will come soon. I push forward every day. One foot in front of the other. Some days my foot is dragging and heavy, but as long as I'm moving...everything is going to be okay. I don't know if I'm still going to have a relationship with my previous first boyfriend, but I know that I can face any obstacles that are thrown at me. I know that if we don't end up working out, there are many other wonderful people out there.
I'd say identifying triggers can really help. I wish you luck in this battle of yours!
-Luna