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Consumed with loneliness and guilt

diplomaticChestnut7327 January 12th, 2021

Just recently its crippling me, I feel an awful pain and can't stop crying. I'm a mum of two Children with special needs (not my partners) I live with my partner and i have 3 step children. Other than that I have no one we only have my mum, who although only lives 45mins away doesn't make the effort and can be narcissistic. I feel heartbroken that my Children do not have anyone other me, my partner and his side. The only thing I can put it down to is that I must have been an awful person in a past life πŸ˜” how do I accept this and be a happy person????

4
xzy1000 January 12th, 2021

Hello sorry to hear you are feeling this way. I don't have answer as such but just felt it on my heart to reply.
I have family local to me but have very little support from them. I am on my own totally. I feel you all have each other which is really a good thing in itself.

Could you start to make some friends instead?

1 reply
diplomaticChestnut7327 OP January 12th, 2021

@xzy1000 thank you so much for you reply πŸ’—

We do have each other as a family. However them understanding my children is a different story, I feel even more alone in that sense. It makes me realise that I am all they have... and being clinically extremely vulnerable with covid its heightened my fears of my babies not having me 😒

I live in a tiny peak district town and work in a very local bar/restaurant I have made friends but I struggle with anxiety and cut myself of the moment the I feel were getting close.

Although I love where I work and my colleagues It's not work but something for me... maybe being furloughed and off for so long doesn't help.

Thank you again x

alwayssorry73 January 15th, 2021

@xzy1000Hello. I'm older and feel too old to make new friends. The people (friends) around me take advantage of my people pleasing personality, use me, and make me feel unsupported and alone.

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kashyaparmar January 15th, 2021

Start loving yourself dear, you know what destroys our peace? its our own thoughts and negativity. Do one thing first thing in the morning you will say is : Thank you god for showering love and blessed me to see this morning, i love myself , i am happy and trust me this sort of positive thinking will change u as a person too. All the best