wanting to be heard

Hi

I hide out. I feel so much of what others feel. Take on their pain, their joy, Their love.... I feel it. Deep in my being. This is a precarious way to live. It makes life so vulnerable. I empath. This has caused me to live inside my home. I go out to the store. But otherwise I am alone. I have almost no human contact. And when I do, of course I do not ever say how I really feel. People do not want to hear such things. And I do understand and respect that. I want to be liked by the few folks with whom I ocassionally speak on the phone, fb or email. And so I lie.

Lately I have been feeling depths of pain. . But it is exhausting and so isolating. Hard to be so alone with it. I am not a kid. i am older than you may think. Which brings so much shame to this. The failure of it all. I continue to post inspiring and admirable things on facebook. i continue to keep up the front. .But the pain is so profound that it has brought me back here to this forum I used to post in.

Thank you for reading my words. The shame that at my age I still expereince such pain. The isolation. The humiliation for who I am under the mask of unconditional love and wisdom. And what a flimsy mask it is