ranting, dont mind me
Currently i am taking the second most important exam for this year and after my mid year's screw up i cant afford to let my grades drop further and i have to really perform. I started out quite strong actually, i was extra attentive, extra hard working and focused but i couldnt keep it up for long and i became so tired and drained. I felt like i wasnt worth all the extra effort and thoughts like what if i still fail in the end or what if i couldnt get better because im such a failure by nature. So in order to keep going on i started cutting at least once before every exam so thats basically like everyday and it helped tremendously i could focus during the exam and only feel panicked once or twice throughout the exam. The problem is that i think it is very shameful to cut and i feel so disgusted with myself and guilty and its like an extra burden i have to carry around with me. Hopefully after the exams end i would stop cutting but it feels like a neccessity now to keep me going. What im afraid is that i started wanting to cut deeper and deeper but it difficult to hide a deep cut and not to mention its really a bother to have to press down on the wound to stop the bleeding if i was alone at home id rather it kept dripping until it dries up on its own. Sometimes i wish i lived alone and away from my family but i dont think thats gonna come true in the near future, sigh.
Hello, @inventiveTiger8937
It sounds like you're having a really tough time managing to study and keep motivated and focus for your exams. Have you maybe tried meditation for about 10-20 minutes/day instead of cutting? it can helo you connect with yourself better and slowly reach a new level of acceptance towards your own person because from what you're saying I understand that your psychological relationship with yourself is not 100% a healthy one. You're definitely not a failure and cutting yourself in order to let out the pressure and also punish yourself is not the best course of action and you know it. I hope you'll find the strength to keep it going through your exams but please try alternative ways of getting rid of the negative energy! Take care of yourself:)
@inventiveTiger8937 Aww 
I really feel sorry for you to be under crippling pressures of attaining good academic performance. I understand that you cut yourself to cope and is that worried you might continue doing it even after the exams. But, you know, you are inherently valuable. You are not useless. You can overcome the pressures and self-harming.
