new poster; bad night

Hi,

New poster. Don't want to go into a lot of detail at the moment but I think my 5 year boyfriend is going to leave. Our relationship has been up/down and he is furious at me right now because of something I did. I can see his point of view and understand why he's mad....it was something I used to do a fair amount of (general background, involves my ex who I used to be more codependent on but am not anymore...however my bf is really hyperaware of anything involving him).

I feel horrific. He lives with me and so we are here under the COVID stay at home. He can't leave. But I am so so so so scared that he will once he is able to. That he finally has had enough of my depression/anxiety and all the issues with my ex and kids. I'm petrified.

I feel so alone. I don't really have any friends. I don't have family I can talk to. He's the only one I have and he hates me right now.

I have three kids and if it were not for them I don't know what I would do....

Please god I just want someone to listen and tell me it will be ok.....