loneliness
i always say that i like being alone but it's a lie. i'd love to have somebody in my life but i can't imagine someone being genuinely happy to see me, someone who think about me when they see a pic or a funny video, someone who genuinely cares or genuinely likes my company. i "like" being alone because when I'm with others i feel left out. I am left out. i'm not anybody's first choice, always the third wheel, always the burden, always the black sheep. the only safe place i have is my mind (which is also my worst enemy) that comes up with fake scenarios in which i feel normal and wanted. fake scenarios are my coping mechanism and i do automatically. when i realize what I'm doing i feel extremely bad and sick in the head. I've always been like this but lately is worse than ever because it is affecting everything. i can't do my work done because I can't focus anymore. i start doing what i have to do and then realize I've been daydreaming for 1 hour straight without realizing it. it's so hard to keep going and I don't know how to ask for help. i have no friends and I'd be way too ashamed to open up to my family, but they wouldn't understand anyway so
@WittyCar0607
Hello! Thank you so much for reaching out and sharing how you've been feeling. I get what you're trying to say and it can get really lonely like that at times, which can be difficult. You always feel left out and excluded and hence prefer to be alone although ideally you'd want to have people to spend quality / your idea of a good time too. But since you don't feel included, you have to get comfortable with your own company, which might be weird because we can be very critical of ourselves with less compassion. And it does get even more difficult when it affects everything, which is also understandable since we have social needs and them remaining unfulfilled can cause difficulties. I relate to having daydreaming as a coping mechanism, it's a happy and beautiful place/world/situation inside the head but it can make one lose track of time and it's only natural to end up feeling bad about it. I realise this is not easy! You try / think of trying to ask for help but have no friends and feel your family won't understand. I suppose it's not easy actively looking out for connection and being lonely as well. Know that we're here for you though! ❤️ Feel free to come and ask for support here anytime you'd prefer! How would you rather like the situation to be for you right now? Keep us updated in your own time, if you would like. ❤️