just need to get this off my chest
I'm not sure if this is in the right category, but please bare with me. when I was in high school (im 23 now) I developed pretty intense anxiety which eventually lead to "depression" (never officially diagnosed, but I was emotionally unstable) once I graduated, things improved a bit but I still needed some assistance. I was then put on medication for about three years but I'm no longer taking it. during college, I still struggled with anxiety and although my mood improved from high school, I still didn't feel happy or satisfied with myself or my life. I graduated college in May, which brings me to now. I'm basically at a point where, more than anything, I'm confused. it's almost as if I can't identify how I feel. I wake up and I don't necessarily feel happy, but I don't know that I'm sad. I kinda just feel like I exist and that's about it. I also have this consistent thought of "is this as happy as I'll ever be?" for some reason, I feel like I'm supposed to be happy and it's frustrating because I don't think I am. but I'm not sure. I have moments where I feel extremely unhappy and I get emotional, but I don't feel like that every second of the day. but I don't feel happy, so I don't know how I feel? I don't know that this makes any sense to anyone who might read this, but I'm just so confused.
Hey, @jlxyzx010
What you're saying makes a lot of sense and that incapacity to feel happy could be a sign of depression. Putting pressure on yourself that you are "supposed" to be happy usually only makes the feelings of anxiety and depression worst. Happiness is a state of mind and comes with practice, I really think we mainly learn how to be happy :) Have you tried practicing mindfulness exercises? They really help with managing and becoming aware of ourselves and implicitly our emotions.
Take care of yourself and please stay strong :)
@jlxyzx010
Feeling lost or confused is normal. Just take care of yourself. I promise it gets better. <3
Hello, @jlxyzx010
From what it sounds like, it does seem like you experience depression. Even though you say you don't feel necessarily "sad" all of the time, it does not mean that it's not depression. There are a lot of misconceptions about what depression is and how it feels, and how the experience is. I can, for sure, tell you that depression isn't just sadness, it's so much more. Depression can be anything from feeling numb to it being able to cause physical pain.
You are not alone, there are many people with depression who say they just feel nothing. As you said, like they just exist and nothing else. A lot of things can help, such as what @cloudTraveler said and trying mindfulness exercises. Remember, self care and love is very important when dealing with depression (: I hope your Monday is great!
I'm stuck in my sister's shadow. I have no one. I'm tired of everything.