im stuck

hello,

idk what im doing right now and i am really feeling stuck. i feel like now that i do not miss my ex as much (recentish breakup) i dont really know what to do with myself. my college semester is about to end and summer is coming up and i feel like i am going to have nothing going on. i dont really know what to do to be quite honest.

currently all i do is smoke the ganj and nicotine all day and then drink at night to pass the time; however, this is what ive been doing for almost all year and it needs to change somehow. obviously i think cutting the drinking and nicotine is a good start. (the ganj might take some extra time but thats a whole nother story). its weird tho because i feel almost bored if im not drunk or high. its the same with school too, like if im not doing school im bored.

i feel like all my hobbies are just not as fun as what they used to be. like gaming for example, i play csgo almost every day but its almost not even fun because of how much i play. or my butterfly knife is just not fun to use anymore because i know almost all the tricks u can learn. I just dont feel excitement from as much now. everything seems dull in a way but i dont like that i feel that way about stuff i love.

One thing I am pushing for this summer is to make new friends somehow. How I do that, i have no idea. i feel like i need to meet more people because i feel lonely in a way. Even though I am surrounded by people in my life, i just feel so distant. maybe is the fact that no one ever texts me or i am always the one reaching out to hang out, but i feel like i need more people to talk to on a daily basis, male or female.

its just a battle to me that seems pointless. i mean i am a very young person for where i am at in life. i have upcoming success with school, i have friends who care about me, i am good at what i enjoy doing, but it all just feels likes its for nothing (and so often it does lol). i feel like im doing so much right now in my life that is just useless and i feel like im just not moving anywhere. everything is starting to be stale, i want new things in my life but im not sure how to get new things started up if that makes sense. why am i getting so bored of what ive enjoyed my whole life? how do i find fun in my life again?

i want to shake things up really bad, i almost need to in a way before i lose my sanity to monotony. i wake up and almost do the same thing everyday. i wake up mad at myself a lot of those days because i do that same stuff everyday. i need to break the cycle. i just wish i knew how.

-slixy