im hurting :

Hey well i am here because i hurt so badly and i cant control it. i don't do anything to hurt myself because i already hurt enough. i found this app after i asked God to help me find some way to help me feel better and i think this is something to help me! i feel sick not like physically but mentally my heart hurts so badly and nobody around me understands they say they do but they don't and i know because they pass it like it is nothing. my sister has been telling me i have been mean and grumpy all the time and i don't have answers for her i love her to death but i don't even know why i hurt so badly! my friends have been glaring at me with mean snarky looks and i don't know why and i feel like everyone stares at me where ever i go and it backs me want to crawl in a hole and hide forever. i have ideas why i might hurt, okay so i'm homeschooled and ive homeschooled all my life an i have a co-up type thing that i go to every mondays and i like and quite possibly love a boy there and he doesn't know and lately he has been just looking at me and just kind of i dont know what type of way. okay we have been best friends for 2 years and suddenly he just stops talking to me and i think he figured out i liked him and i didnt do anything bad i cant even help it.

anyways thats one thing and my grandpa died about six months ago and i still havent actually have it hit me yet and he was like my best friend!

also my dad he abused me a couple of times and we have gotten it figured out but it doesnt change that i hurt! i just fell like i dont have a family and that my friends are slowly leaving!

any advice is good please help me!!!! im lost :(