Why do I feel like this?

@Treacle Thank you for posting this because I can relate. I moved almost about a year ago and I thought this would help me with my depression. Well it hasn't helped as well as I thought it would. Now things are getting crazier and I don't know why I'm spiraling in this hole of darkness again. I really wish I knew why.

@MeteorShower I completely understand what you mean! Funnily enough I'm moving in a few months and I'm clinging onto the hope that as soon as I move I'll feel better but the likelihood is I probably won't... I thought it was just me that felt like this so thank you for replying, always here to talk

@Treacle Hey I just want to check and see if you've moved and if you have, how's life? Do u like it? Has it helped you at all?

I hate hanging around and feeling like it doesn't matter if I'm even around. I hate being the one who's being outcasted (because of my awkwardness), but can't anyone just hang around and be there for me for who I am? It's vacation month.. A relief to be spending time at home but the disappointment when I saw them hanging out without me again.

@Xendya I'm sorry you're going through this... I can somewhat relate as I don't have many friends anymore because I've distanced myself. I get upset if nobody invites me to hang out or go for a drink but then on the rare occasion It does happen I get really anxious and sometimes even cancel its so annoying. It is scary but there are people out there who would just be happy you came, even if you didn't fancy saying much or joining in. You just need to give people a chance x

This is exactly how I felt practically all my life. To this day I have no idea what made me this way, there is no specific reason I can find. It's a fact that I have come to accept. I stopped searching for those answers and somehow I'm in a better place now because of it.

But also, together with my therapist we talked about many stressful life events and maybe that helped me get some form of closure. Have you had any changes occur in your life? Or any moments that you dwell on?

I hope you can find an answer. But if not, I hope you find a different way to move forward.

Love - DA

@discreetAcres6234 thank you for sharing your story with me, I'm glad you've found a sense of closure. I had a rough childhood but I'm at a place where I have accepted the events that occurred and have moved on so I don't think it's that but then again maybe it triggered something. I'd like to see a therapist really but I can't afford it x

I'm not sure what happened to me over the years but I've realized that I'm a whole new person that I don't feel I want to be. I feel as if me wanting to fit in made me a monster. I feel like I will never fit in with anyone no matter where I go. I'm always just another new girl, i feel as if my past has created who I am today. I don't like the way I am I what to change, but I feel as if it wouldn't matter, I feel that I'm not worth anything to anyone. Can anyone else relate to what I am feeling?

@Kayleenye thank you so much for being so honest. I completely understand, really I do. Nobody has put it into those words before and that's exactly how I feel, it's as if the person I was has died and I hate the person I've become but can't seem to change. I hope things start looking up for you, feel free to message me anytime x