What's wrong with me?
For the last 6 months or so I've been terribly depressed and I've been self-harming and when I was a child I was raped, and I just feel like I really need some help from a professional and a proper diagnosis as it's starting to impact my daily life. I was becoming distant with my friends and I opened up to them a bit. Huge mistake. They then pressured me to see the school counsellor who then told my parents which I was adamant about not doing because they are verbally and emotionally abusive. So now my parents have told me that whatever I tell the counsellor he will tell them, and I can't tell my friends becasue I don't trust them. So my last option is seeing a professional. But I just can't. Like physically can't. I want help, but the thought of going out and waiting in the waiting room and talking to someone and telling them my secrets. It's just too much. I just stay in my room and I don't eat or go outside and I'm afraid I've failed all my exams (because of my depression I couldn't study) and I'm frightened of my parents and life in general. I just lay in bed at night and strangle myself and I feel like ripping myself apart and just destroying every inch of me? That really makes no sense, but most days I just lay on the floor because everything is ultimately meaningless. I want to scream and cry and have a brealdown but I can't. I don't really have emotions and I just sit there unable to cry, I just feel so empty and useless. I'm worried about my future because I'm terrified of people and unfamiliar places and making small talk and people will judge me, so I'm worried I can't get a job or go to uni. So I might aswell just die. 7cups is great, but I haven't been able to connect with any listeners?? To be honest I don't know what I was planning on asking, I guess I just needed to rant? Sorry it's long.
@justasimpledemon Hi!
It seems like you're going through a really tough time right now and I think it was very brave for you to open up like you have. I'm not sure what's going on when you say you're unable to connect with listeners but please feel free to message me any time you need a chat. You are amazing and things will get better! Stay strong <3
Hello. Thank you for having the courage to share your story despite your hesitantation in talking with others about your story. It sounds like you've experienced some trauma in your life that had lead to you to maybe have some symptoms that are interfering with your mental health. Only a professional can give you a proper diagnosis but listeners are here to support you and they are judgement free. I'm so sorry that you are feeling unsupported by your parents, I'm sure you are out of school at this point, but it might be something to be share with the school counselor if you do decide to go back. You are entitled to feel upset but you are also entitled to healing and support. However, this has to be on your own time. I have personally gone to therapists and psychiatrists despite my anxiety about the waiting room and judgement and have found that it's been so helpful for a tiny amount of distress. It's nice to have someone who gives you a set block of time to tell your story and make you feel heard. Good luck on your journey. I hope you find relief soon. You deserve it.
@justasimpledemon Sometimes just being able to rant helps. It's nice to get things off our chests & I've found that that's one thing that really helps me. I don't really have any advice for ya, but I definitely get how you're feeling & Im here for you.
