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justasimpledemon
1,104 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 147 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts59 Forum upvotes72 Current upvotes72 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2017 Member sinceApril 23, 2017
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What's wrong with me?
Depression Support / by justasimpledemon
Last post
 July 30th, 2017
...See more For the last 6 months or so I've been terribly depressed and I've been self-harming and when I was a child I was raped, and I just feel like I really need some help from a professional and a proper diagnosis as it's starting to impact my daily life. I was becoming distant with my friends and I opened up to them a bit. Huge mistake. They then pressured me to see the school counsellor who then told my parents which I was adamant about not doing because they are verbally and emotionally abusive. So now my parents have told me that whatever I tell the counsellor he will tell them, and I can't tell my friends becasue I don't trust them. So my last option is seeing a professional. But I just can't. Like physically can't. I want help, but the thought of going out and waiting in the waiting room and talking to someone and telling them my secrets. It's just too much. I just stay in my room and I don't eat or go outside and I'm afraid I've failed all my exams (because of my depression I couldn't study) and I'm frightened of my parents and life in general. I just lay in bed at night and strangle myself and I feel like ripping myself apart and just destroying every inch of me? That really makes no sense, but most days I just lay on the floor because everything is ultimately meaningless. I want to scream and cry and have a brealdown but I can't. I don't really have emotions and I just sit there unable to cry, I just feel so empty and useless. I'm worried about my future because I'm terrified of people and unfamiliar places and making small talk and people will judge me, so I'm worried I can't get a job or go to uni. So I might aswell just die. 7cups is great, but I haven't been able to connect with any listeners?? To be honest I don't know what I was planning on asking, I guess I just needed to rant? Sorry it's long.
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