What is this never-ending loop?
I was so close to fully achieving self-satisfaction. I began to love myself...finally. Ironically, the next day as I was walking from school to the store about a block away, a group of 7 boys attempted to beat me. Their reason? They perceived me as ugly and unattractive. I didn't let it get to me. I was so proud of myself for that. I continued to carry out my self-satisfaction and today, something very strange happened. Someone texted me and psychologically tortured me. I don't know who it is, but he knows who I am. Apart from psychologically torturing me, he also repeatedly called me all the things I used to call myself when I was always self-loathing; stupid, ignorant, dumb, retarded, worthless, a waste of time, etc. I feel like shit now. I have fallen down a spiral of depression and am now back in this rut again. I continuously tried to ignore his insults, but they only kept getting to me and now I'm back to hating myself and being depressed again. My boyfriend can't be here for me right now, and he's usually the only one I go to. I don't know what to do and I'm so close to giving up...what is the point in even trying anymore if I have to experience this never-ending loop of depression and self-hatred? I am a burden and an annoyance to everyone around me...everyone gives up on me, and when I finally decide to make a change, it's as if the world doesn't want me to get better. I don't understand what I did wrong or what I did to deserve this...I don't understand. I really want to be done.
To be honest I don't know what to call this never ending loop. All I can say is hang in there, and don't let there abuse get to you. I an sorry tat this happened to you. I am glad that you have your boyfriend that you can go to. Think of this way, he hasn't given up on you... though you haven't had a chance took talk to him, don't give up on your self. Know that in life, there will be ups and downs wether it be good day out shitty day. And know you are not alone, there are many ppl going through the same thing you are. I.have been through this my self. It took me a long time to learn to love me and be comfortable with who I am. My best advice is to learn to be compassionate to yourself, because you are worth it, you haven't given up on yourself and that takes courage. I hope this helps :)
And If bad days happen, you have enough self compassion to get you through, which won't allow you to spiral out of control. You are not a burden to anyone, don't ever feel that way because you accomplished something great, you learned to love. You didn't let the 7 guys get to you.