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ObliviousCat
137 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceApril 20, 2015
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What is this never-ending loop?
Depression Support / by ObliviousCat
Last post
 April 20th, 2015
...See more I was so close to fully achieving self-satisfaction. I began to love myself...finally. Ironically, the next day as I was walking from school to the store about a block away, a group of 7 boys attempted to beat me. Their reason? They perceived me as ugly and unattractive. I didn't let it get to me. I was so proud of myself for that. I continued to carry out my self-satisfaction and today, something very strange happened. Someone texted me and psychologically tortured me. I don't know who it is, but he knows who I am. Apart from psychologically torturing me, he also repeatedly called me all the things I used to call myself when I was always self-loathing; stupid, ignorant, dumb, retarded, worthless, a waste of time, etc. I feel like shit now. I have fallen down a spiral of depression and am now back in this rut again. I continuously tried to ignore his insults, but they only kept getting to me and now I'm back to hating myself and being depressed again. My boyfriend can't be here for me right now, and he's usually the only one I go to. I don't know what to do and I'm so close to giving up...what is the point in even trying anymore if I have to experience this never-ending loop of depression and self-hatred? I am a burden and an annoyance to everyone around me...everyone gives up on me, and when I finally decide to make a change, it's as if the world doesn't want me to get better. I don't understand what I did wrong or what I did to deserve this...I don't understand. I really want to be done.
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