What if I cant recover, then what?
I am wondering if I am so far gone that I can not recover from depression. I never knew that I would get depression from leaving a 16 year marriage to a person that was verbally abusive, emotionally harmful, and controlling, and after the fact found out a cheat and a liar. Why did I get depression from leaving and she gets to be normal. What if I never recover from this. What do I do, I destroyed my kids life and freinds lives becasue I involved them in my nightmare. What do I do if I can never smile again, its been months since I had a real smile, I can't even fake one anymore. What is wrong with me? What if I can't recover, then what?
@bestPeach7500
You're going through a tough time. But having the strength to have gotten this far means you can keep going and recover. It just takes time -- a lot of time. Please remember to care for yourself and go easy on yourself as you heal.
@Tomboyktm
Thanks for the reply, but unsure that strength has gotten me this far, becasue it does not seem like I have made progress it only feel like I have gone backwards. I know from being on here and trying that I am not the only one going through this, and many before me have felt like I feel. Its not the fall that hurts me its not knowing how or when I will hit bottom and what bottom looks like. Seems I am missing something, but not sure what that is..
@bestPeach7500
You may not feel strong, but you are, more than you know. Leaving a situation like that takes an immense amount of strength. My situation had some similarities but was not the same. It's hard still after 3 years, but getting much better.
Take each day as it comes and be kind to yourself. You mentioned you were with your partner for 16 years... it will take time to heal. Give yourself the space to live and grow and keep talking to your network..
We are always here to listen.
@bestPeach7500
@bestPeach7500 Life is always going to pose difficult situations but it isn't life that's difficult, it's people.
I understand your concerns, especially when children are involved but you have to get yourself back on your feet, if not for yourself then for your children. They need you, now more than ever.
Never think that you pulled people into your "nightmare", as you call it. The ones who care most will bring themselves into it voluntarily and fight for you and your life. These people were and could be still there for you to this day and if they are, they obviously don't regret getting involved or hate you in any manner.
The most difficult thing about depression is seeing the logical and bright side of the situation. While the past may have happened as it did, and I am trul sorry about what has happened, it doesn't mean that you're a bad person or deserve a bad life in any way.
There are truly bad people out there of which I'm sure couldn't come close to how much of a nice person you are. You can never change the past. "To regret the past is to fear the future."
All you can do now is learn to cope with what happened and despite the fact you've been through a bad relationship after your previous, life will always test you. Use this experience to learn how to cope with these scenarios, never forget them because you'll see the signs and know what to expect but don't think things through too much or you may start to see what's not really there.
If you ever need someone to talk with, please feel free to send me a private message. I'd be more than happy to chat in full about this with you.
I hope you feel better soon.
@bestPeach7500
It seems that you are holding a grudge from leaving her, that you get to be lonely while she dont. Moving on is not easy especially when youre looking back. Think of a bigger picture. Find yourseld so that you can find hapiness. You cant do that if something is holding you back. if you need closure, you have to give that to yourself you deserve that. Remember that these takes time so dont be in a hurry.Life gets you hard but it doesnt mean you yourself have to add another weight. Think of your kids because im sure you love them. I cant tell you how exactl, but i think you are a good person. and a good person knows whats the right thing to do...You just need to take a breath, theres no harm in crying; were human, let it all out....if you need help then get some, there is no shame in that becaause it only means that we are just trying to get better. I believe in you