What do you need?
Just thoughts today- being stuck in the rabbit hole of depression can bring out the darkest and most hopeless parts of self. What might be a helpful suggestion to someone can lead to increased feelings of guilt and shame for someone else. The pressure to bounce back, recover, get back to work and routine add monumental stress to an already consuming existence.
During times when the enduring grip of depression leaves us unsure why we even keep trying, or even see the day through - I'm learning that articulating what we NEED each day could be useful.
Letting go of expectations (our own and those of others) when we don't have the strength to use the tools we have to cope. Just stating what we need.
Today I need to be still. Today I need to not be told to "keep your head up". Today I need rest and peace to allow healing- even though healing is not guaranteed and painfully slow. Today I need understanding that I feel awful and smiling and sunshine won't fix that.
Wishing for inner calm and the ability to get our needs met today. Wishing the same for those suffering and struggling. Thinking of you @anonyLemon4233
@DeeHopeful, yes, sometimes it is enough to just keep breathing.
@compassionateWest9104 Hoping you're having a peaceful day :) Thanks for your reply
@DeeHopeful may you find stillness within and may others understand your needs.
Thank you for sending your thoughts.
In a book on mindfulness for depression I recall this line "
None of us can run fast enough to escape our own inner experience."
Yes, I agree, stillness is the only way. The mind running around only gets tired out.
Wishing you well and sending a gentle hug.
Ps This night I had a more interesting dream... I was looking for suitable hiking shoes for snowy terrain... Did you send some snow my way by any chance? 😸❄️🌨️
@anonyLemon4233 Thank you and nice hearing from you! I like that quote, really rings so true.
I don't know if you try to sort out meaning or messaging in dreams. But that sounds like an interesting one! Searching for something to help handle the challenge ahead! Our snow has stopped for now so perhaps the winds have blown some weather signs your way :)
I'm not superstitious really, but ladybugs have been an odd self proclaimed "good luck" symbol for me lately. I used to see them at my grandma's house and when my physical illness started two years ago I started seeing them here and there... Everywhere. Maybe they were always around but I stated noticing them... On my desk at work, in my car, outside in a park. Silly, but I feel like I'm supposed to notice them and that I'm supposed to keep going.
Did you find the boots you were looking for in the dream? Hoping today is being kind to you and you're being kind to yourself in your searching.
@DeeHopeful here it was indeed very windy yday . And then funnily enough The snow came in my dream last night. You just made me remember what I dreamt! I think I very rarely dreamt of snow falling. It was just a little bit in a small area but it looked lovely.
I m not sure I had found the right shoes last time but its nice that I got to 'experience' little snowflakes. I wonder if there is something in me trying to keep reminding me that I have yet to experience some things before I give up totally.
Yes I do tend to look up dream symbols.. But sometimes I notice I only accept the interpretation which best suits me 🙄.
how interesting about the ladybug. Not silly at all... If only everyone would notice and appreciate the little life forms around us!
This is a beautiful connection to nature. Your little spirit animal guide maybe 😻. I think it is extra special if you see them as several insects are facing a decline.
I would suggest when it happens try give a little extra attention to just be with it and observe.
And if possible to connect with your heart try the advice of the fix to the Little Prince...
"It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye".
@anonyLemon4233 Very interesting about the snow in dreams! Nice that this brought some curiosity and pleasant imagery. And yes, I too feel something keeps us here even if we don't feel like we're trying. Someone told me last week- you can't quit now, what if "better" comes tomorrow and you gave up right before something can help. I think out of stubbornness I stay sometimes :)
Made me smile to read about accepting the interpretations that suit you. That's so relatable.
I really miss being outside-my whole life I've hiked and taken long, aimless walks. It has been hard to adjust to not having that. I like walking in springtime rain which people always thought was odd :) The lady bugs do make me pause when I see them and they just make me happy. I know you've mentioned your connection to nature and the outdoors - do you have a special or favorite animal/creature out there in the woods?
Fresh snow is so beautiful and quiet. One of my favorite times in winter is very early morning after a night snowfall (5a before the light) It's crisp, clean and such a buffer for sound. It's almost eerie. Before the sun comes up snow sticks to all of the tree branches and blankets everything. I swear the sense of hearing is heightened with how quiet the world is after a heavy snow.
Wishing a healing day in your world!
@DeeHopeful I think if we had known eachother we'd get along well :)
I'm quite certain you connected me to snow. I'm not sure I told you but I live in a semi arid climate on a small island but my mother is from a northern country and she always tells me how she still misses that special snow feeling. You describe it so beautifully try and save this description in your journal as what you wrote came across as pure life force to me 🙏🏽
Re stubborness I always tend to see that stubborn side of which does not want to continue the efforts. But then I must realise there must be an equally (or more) stubborn part which won't let go...
I too used to love long walks and the occasional trip I took abroad would be to walk solo. I miss that.
I do shorter walks these last years but I seem to do less and less. My greatest worry is always when I start realising I'm not drawn to the outdoors and then my nature connection fails as it has been especially the last weeks.
Unfortunately the Disconnection is not only linked to depression but to pain as I have seen (and fought) so much habitat destruction all around me that nowhere feels like a refuge anymore.
However to answer your question. When it's a good say I can connect to rocks, lichens, moss, tiny plants and creatures and anything around me. Trees are extremely scarce here. But there are splendid little wild flowers growing against all odds. And miniature orchids and hardy shrubs.
I love all creatures but I think a special one is always the nocturnal seabirds I used to go listen to on the cliffedge at night.
And then underwater while snorkelling one of my favourite magical fish is the flying Gurnard.
I wonder if I will get back the feeling of them
@anonyLemon4233 I agree! And though we didn't meet when we both felt better, we're here for each other now in the vastness of the online world. It feels like a gift to have found you and your generous support. Truly.
I sometimes think we won't understand fully why we don't let go when existing is so painful and dark. But we don't need to understand it I suppose. We just have to continue, we can't be happy or grateful all the time and I think that's OK. Sometimes the only thing and the strongest thing we can do is show up to another day.
To me it makes sense hearing that the connection you enjoyed so much has waned with what you're going through. With severe and persistent depression (coupled with the pain from fibromyalgia) there is a loss of enjoying literally anything. I have faith and hope for you that in remission and recovery - your joys will return. Hard not to have that now.
You might be the little wild flower persisting despite adequate resources :)
Thanks for describing all the little wonders you enjoy. I looked up images of the flying gurnard and wow! I have never known about such a creature, very cool!
While I don't ascribe to false hope and tend to over analyze all things- I don't think it's fruitless to wonder about joy returning. We have to cling to the idea that something will return or evolve.... Because not a soul can tell us that will never happen. That means that it just might :)
On tough days-we can feel it and let it flow through. On days we dare to wonder or hope we should allow that too. We are still here afterall!
Thank you for sharing who you are with me. You've given me a few smiles to start my day here.
