(Trigger warning) I think this is it
I don't know why I'm making a thread for this. Maybe I just feel like if I just get it out on something I'll feel better? Or maybe I'm hoping someone, somewhere can say something to stop me? I'm not sure. What I do know is that I'm done. I'm so sick of feeling like this, and after almost 3 decades I'm ready to just give up. I've already started getting rid of all my stuff so nobody has to clean out all my shit.
It's not like I want to. But I'm at this point I just can't deal anymore. I can't turn to anyone, and even my mother seems to want me gone.
On top of everything, I can't seem to do anything right for anyone and nobody wants anything to do with me unless it's something beneficial solely to them. I do apologise, this is a rather selfish post and I'm sorry if it upsets anyone.
I'm just done. With everything.
@CuriousHippo
I'm terribly sorry you have to go through this...
I've experienced something of a similar kind and I've been on the verge a few times. Even though at that time my mind was set, just like yours, I thought I didn't have anything to lose and I thought I would give myself another week, then another, then a few months, and eventually I felt strong enough to take some steps forward.
Please reach out here on 7cups, there are plenty of Listeners for you. If not the first listener, then the second or third will be able to fully get your situation just right.
It's always baby steps, but please don't give up on yourself. You deserve as many chances as there are in this world.
Love,
GE
I am so sorry, guys. You all tried to help but I ignored all of it. Well, I tried to ignore all of it anyways. But I'm still here.
Fortunately, my family now takes depression seriously. Unfortunately, I had to almost kill myself for them to see how much of a real problem it is. Silver linings, I guess.
But, yeah, I wanted to check in and apologize for being a selfish, melodramatic ass. And to thank you guys for being here for me.
@CuriousHippo You weren't being selfish, nor were you being melodramatic and please don't think that you were being so for a single second. Like you said, depression is serious and you shouldn't feel bad at all for wanting help because you deserve all the help that you can get. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be rid of these horrible feelings you're having. fact, I am so glad that you decided to post this so that you could get help. I'm so happy that you're okay. I almost cried while reading your post and, I'm crying right now replying to you lol. But anyway...... please, don't end your life. Please don't. I haven't even met you yet I love you (not in a creepy way, I promise xd) and you have gained a place in my heart. Don't give up. Fight this thing. I promise you it will be worth it in the end. Ik the future seems so cloudy and distant but, you have the potential to live an amazing life that makes you happy. You deserve a life that makes you happy. Praying for you <3. -AJay
@CuriousHippo
I feel the same way! Decades of sadness, confusion, panic, abandonment,....... I throw things away for the same reason, why leave it for someone else? I'm in this setting quite frequently and it sucks!
Somehow I get through, questioning myself why. Why didn't I just do it? I have no answers other than this bout will pass.