People don't understand (a pathetic vent)

My family like to treat my mental illness as a personal attack on them. My depression will always hurt them more than it ever will me, because it brings them down and stresses everyone else.

When my depression flares up everone is so quick to roll their eyes, as if this is a game and I'm doing this to be annoying. Whenever my face drops, my eyes water, people look at me and say "just GRW UP.

It's common for my parents to come out with "SparklySeaweed is just in a mood again!"

because depression is something that hardly takes a break I can be in a low ood for extended periods of time. What you may see as me being grumpy or being immature, it's exactly the same way I felt last week and the week before. So far I have been in a dark place for the last 3 months. And sometimes it doesn't get better and you can't just snap out of it.

sure, sometimes my depression isn't that obvious and I may seem to laugh or smile or have moments of happiness where I am genuinely happy, but in the background, it is so easy to fall back into my depressive state again, because even when I'm having a good time, I'm still depressed.

And it hurts.but people will blame me for being this way. It's my fault. I'm 20 after all, and like other adults I should stop being so immature and snap it of it. My parents blame me for not getting better.

I just wish thy can understand that I'm always depressed and it's not a surprise so they shouldn't keep reacting with shock when they notice my mouth isn't smiling and I just have no energy whatsever... It's in the background. I'm always depressedd.

It doesn't stop there. They don't get why it is impossible to speak in public. I avoid eye contact. I forget how to use my vocal chords and all that comes out is a croak. I have selective mutism. I've had it since a kid. You should know this by now. You should kow me. Right now my mum keeps trying toget me to talk in pubic, and I just can't. I wish I could, but the anxiety is so overwhelming, I'm trying not to tear up over this.

we are at a restruant. My face has been on the phone, because at least it is a way to hide.

when I'm like this in immobilised from fear alone. I freeze up. I'm sorry that I can't respond to you. I wish I could.

sorry for the multiple spelling errors. I'm on a phon. The keybord is being awful. It is hard... Even my touchscreen is being silly!