My typical day

Wake up, Jay, time to face another day at school where the only people who notice you're even there do it because their favorite spare time activity is to tell you how worthless and pathetic you are because, unlike them, you're not that smart. No, you actually aren't: in fact, you are pretty stupid. If only you were capable of anything good in your life... What are you doing? No, you can't tell your parents you're sick again, they would never buy it, it's the fifth time this month. Come on, get up.

Hi mom, dad

Not like that, you idiot, smile and pretend you're okay

Yeah, uhm, okay, I will

No, don't go back to bed, you'll be late for class and everyone will be snickering at you and the teacher won't even care: if you don't wanna be reminded how little you matter to everyone, don't be late.

You'll just walk, seeing all the students on the bus talking and laughing makes you feel even more lonely. Your friends are arguing about God knows what: you don't care, you never speak my mind. You don't want them to hate you, do you?

Yeah, hi, guys... no, I had a nightmare, didn't sleep well

Oh, right, the teacher's handing out history tests. Mh, B... you're not sure your parents will accept it, are you? Well, now focus. God, stop being like that, focus! Do you want the teacher to notice you're not paying attention and call your parents to talk to them? Do you want them to yell at you again? Thought so.

Last period, almost done. Oh, what's that? A girl is crying, she didn't know the answer to a question because she spent all evening out with her boyfriend and didn't study. 'I'm just so tired and stressed out lately, I can't even get enough sleep anymore'. Oh, that's funny, you're tired? You're stressed out? You wouldn't last a day with depression.

Maybe if I were able to cry and vent out to everyone like that someone would care about me... maybe someone would try to make my life easier, because they feel sorry for me... maybe I would stop being invisible to everyone

... Woah, Jay! What was that?

Selfish, selfish, selfish. That poor girl is exhausted and you're thinking about your stupid feelings? Grow up, you're such an attention seeker, you don't deserve to be cared about

Go home, you have to tell them.

Yeah, I got a B. I know... I'm sorry, I was really tired and I don't feel so-

Of course they don't care, Jay, what were you expecting. They do so much for you, stop being ungrateful and try to act like the grown up you are. There are people going through worse than this. Your parents would think you're weak or mentally ill if you mentioned how you feel. Just keep it in, one more day.

I'll be in my room

They're talking about you, you know that, right? Failure, worthless, what have they done to deserve you? Maybe if that girl was their daughter they would love her more? God, you can't even tell if you're their daughter or their son, idiot.

You should be doing your homework.

Shut up, I don't care

You do. Do you want to get yelled at again?

I want to sleep. I want the day to be over. Please, let it be over.

You have a presentation tomorrow, Jay.

Who cares? I'll tell them I'm sick and I'll skip school. Nobody will notice I'm not there.

No, they won't. Alright then, have it your way. Just make sure you spend at least two hours reminding yourself how pathetic you are and now you could do so much better if you were someone else, someone stronger, someone worth caring about. Who you're not and will never be. Your parents won't be waiting for you to join them for dinner. Like usual, you're not hungry, anyways.

(Sorry guys, I needed to let it out, it's been a rough day)