My first attempt at suicide in months ( Trigger Warning)

I got off the bus this afternoon and was walking down the sidewalk to my house when I noticed a car was coming down the street. So I stepped off the sidewalk (and ignoring my brother who was telling me to get off the street) and purposefully walked in front of it. I didn't feel anything in that moment. Unfortunately the car stopped and I had to move along. I've been replaying the scene over and over in my head and how it should have hit me. I wanted it to. I wanted that to happen so bad. I want to be put out of my misery. Just end things. I hope next time it'll happen. I wrote my mom a note basically saying that I wanted to kill myself and I'm gonna have her read it when she gets home.