Lately...
Lately I've been feeling that everything is so pointless. I don't want to think this way but it seems all my energy is going into get through each day and then waking up and doing it all over again. People say 'keep going everything will work out' and 'life is worth living you just have to carry on' I just feel like 'is this it?' Is this what it's gonna be like for the rest of my life? Just getting through it? I don't know how much energy I have left in me to keep going.
That sounds so exhausting @Treacle. It's a really hard way to be feeling, and one I've been familiar with too.
It's good that you hear the encouraging words of others, even if they sound hollow right now. And it's easy to dismiss them when you're feeling so very low. But there is truth in them, so please hang on to hope.
Don't set yourself high expectations. Just look for something you appreciate in every day. The beauty of nature, a new food, a warm bath, a chat with a friend, feeling cosy in bed.....just the small details to start with, and then you can gradually build on those small things, and see all the many things life has to offer.
This isn't magical advice. I don't know the meaning of life. But I do know there are lots of small things I would miss if I weren't here, and I want to hang around to see more, learn more, do more, and enjoy more.
In answer to your question, this isn't how it will be for the rest of your life. Hang in there now, treat yourself kindly, and it will pass. I shall be thinking of you dear friend.
@Treacle, a wise friend once told me, "We're actually being our strongest when we are feeling our weakest." This, in my experience, has summed up depression to a T.
While you feel as though you don't have the energy to continue, here you are, surviving, breathing, living. That's a tribute to your strength. And while depression does not have a finite end to it, an exact one, at least, depression is not who you are. It will drag you down and make you feel the lowest you've ever felt, but in the end, there is still a divide between you and your depression. While it is encompassing, it can not consume you whole.
While this doesn't sound applicable to your post, I say it because there's a chance that you will struggle with depression for a while longer yet; I am simply being honest about this -- there are treatments and things you can do to alleviate some of the symptoms of it. However, it is not who you are, and therefore it can not be a permanent thing. There will eventually be a light at the end of the tunnel (cliches are great, yeah?).
You are being so strong, little flower.
