I've reached that point

Hey.

Today's my 25th birthday and I wasn't excited for it. It feels like nothing special, like it's not even my birthday at all.

My family is ignoring me, I'm confined to a stuffy house where the air is hot and thick, the roads are blocked off for construction so I literally can't leave the house and my mom is being cross with me for no reason.

I have no friends to do anything with.

My mom had plans to go to a scenic park with me, play scrabble, see some fruit trees and flowers with the new Canon camera my grandpa got me because my coworkers at my last job maliciously got into my purse and stole my Nikon.

But it appears she's changed her mind and is now uninterested.

I have a beautiful cake and it's the only thing I've looked forward to all day. None of my friends on other social platforms are online/active, my Tumblr feed is a ghost town and I'm just sad.

Realizing how I'm feeling or NOT feeling right now makes me sad because I've never felt as empty or dead inside in my life as I do now, and by now I mean this year.

I don't laugh, giggle, I rarely smile. I'm like a marble sculpture, or a hollowed-out lookalike of myself. I stopped feeling emotions except for compassion, empathy and sadness. Happiness? No. Error 404: Excitement not found. Joy? What's that? I have nothing to look forward to or even be happy about, and it just feels like I'm waiting for fate or waiting out my life, waiting for the slow approach of the end. Day by day. Time doesn't feel real. I feel like something took away my soul and left me with a handful of vital signs. Brain activity, movement, organ functioning. That's it.

I never thought this would happen to me or that I'd be a sad person. But I feel like I've been broken.

Nothing is special or wonderful anymore. It's like all the color's bled out of my life. And that hurts. It breaks my heart.

I don't know how to feel like a vivacious human being again, but I wish to so badly. I wish I could go back, live my colorful and sweet childhood again, find what went wrong and fix it. Of course, time doesn't work like that.

Hold onto every memory and cherish every ounce of goodness in your life.

I'm pretty much a feminine shaped void. Muted, soundless.

Is this forever? Is this gonna be the rest of my life? Is there a way to come back from this?