Isolated and struggling

@Nairhair95

Thank you for taking time to share how you feel... and you have come to a place where many people can stand with you and say "I am alone too". You might be amazed to find how many of us are on the same stream - loneliness - as you, even if we aren't beside you in the boat. We're here to support you - to listen, to share, to be here when you need us. Please know you aren't alone on 7cups.

You might like to search the Listeners and find someone to talk to one on one. They're here to listen and let you process through the things are on your mind. You might want to check out the Self-Help guide section too -- information and coping mechanisms on a variety of topics are contained within them. Connecting in chatrooms is an option too - sometimes just for a break from the monotony is good. Sometimes the chatrooms have guided discussion periods you can find on the calendar with topics you might like to join too.

I hope you find your time here on 7cups helpful.

@Nairhair95 It really is a nasty cycle. I still deal with isolation to some extent, though it's not so bad since my depression is lifted or at least mild now. I still have the tendancy to hole up and avoid parties, and wall off from the friends I do have. But I'm not particularly lonely; just alone and solitary but content... (I'm an introvert, and my job is VERY people-oriented, so I really enjoy my alone time now that the worst of depression has passed.)

When I've been depressed badly, and isolated, that was a whole different story. There are a few ways I managed it. They didn't include actually getting a friend or going to events, which might have been more effective in the long run. But there are a few things that your brain registers as social activity, even if you aren't actively being social, and they honestly made me feel less lonely, even though I was still definitely isolating.

1) I went to coffee shops. There are usually lots of people alone there, working on stuff, or just browsing the internet. I like the feeling of being "alone together"

2) I went to movies alone. I know, I know, the idea sounds reeally pathetic, but I promise it's the best thing. I used to really love it when there was a small artsy theater, SO MANY people went alone there. But I've grown to enjoy the independence of going to a big theater, too. I get there early, and tuck into a corner with a book and popcorn (and coffee, because it's that kind of theater) until the movie starts. And then we're all there together. I'm in the group at large, experiencing something with other people, and I've never ever regretted going to a movie alone. Even when I was so badly depressed I could barely drive to the theater once, I went to see Zootopia, and I walked out feeling like an unburdened 6 year old for a little while (then took a looong nap).

3) Watching comedies. This is one of those things that seems isolating, but when you laugh at a comedy, your brain registers it as you laughing with other people. It doesn't really matter if they aren't actually there. The Big Bang Theory was the saving grace of my life for more than a year. (I'm sure there are other comedies that work for people, but that's the only one that ALWAYS made me laugh.)

I hope you're able to find some ways to ease the experience for yourself. I know how painful it can be, but there are ways to lighten the pain until you are feeling strong enough to connect to other people.

I struggle with loneliness also and I am very uncomfortable in large crowds or in a dating situation (because for me, it feels like a job interview, which also makes me nervous). Therefore I usually prefer smaller, more manageable groups where I can actually talk to and get to know people better.

I will probably never really be comfortable in Lollapalooza-like crowds, and thats okay. Getting over social anxiety doesnt necessarily mean jumping into a monstrous mob of a crowd.

@Nairhair95 I completely understand where you're coming from. I moved abroad almost 7 years ago and left all of my friends behind. Seven years later, and the only friend I have here is my neighbor who is 20 years older than me. I don't know how to make friends anymore. Every man here that says he wants to be my friend ends up trying to sleep with me. I feel so overwhelmed and lonely sometimes. I wish I had someone here to talk to. Someone who knows the people I know and can truly understand what I'm going through.

So how do we do it? How do we put ourselves out there to meet even one person we feel comfortable with?