I really need to vent (so sorry for this)
I don't want to be a hater but now I'm just so damn angry and frustrated and fecking sad. I can't seem to be able to make contact with anyone on this site. No one writes me back. I've written to 4 listeners by now and just received answer from one of them. The one who replied gave me this: "If you give me a moment I can review what you've written and we can begin." and then nothing. Nothing at all.
So I went to the open chat to see if there were some sort of conversation going but seemed to just be kids playing around and it didn't seem like a safe space at all. Now I've been here for about two weeks and gotten nothing but feelings of being unseen and not worth the time.
I know this site is just trying to help and be a good place but right now it just feels like I got my hopes way up that maybe I would find someone to talk to just to have my them knocked down brutally, making me so disappointed and angry.
And I hate myself for being angry at people who are just trying to be nice. Just trying to help. That makes me feel like a bad person as well. So... Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I just needed to take it out somewhere.
@Howliteblue I'm sorry you've had a bad experience with this site. Keep in mind that the listeners here are just volunteers so they can't all be perfect. I would suggest messaging listeners with the higher ratings they are usually more helpful. Also, you can message me if you want to. I can't promise to solve whatever it is you are dealing with, but I'd be happy to listen to you.
@Howliteblue I understand exactly what you are dealing with. Unfortunately, this website doesn't always have the best listeners available, and the odds of finding a decent, passionate listener is decreasing by the day. The people who become listeners are volunteers, and they are usually people who suffer from depression or other things that can affect their mood. That means that, even if they put in a great deal of effort on this website, they may lose interest eventually.
I used to have a listener account myself. I haven't found the motivation to use it for months, but there was a time when I was really passionate about being a listener and I truly wanted to help people. I did a lot of those guides that shape people into a better listener, and I followed all of the guidelines and message suggestions. However, sometimes being a listener isn't an easy job either. I would get requests from people who made the conversations really difficult to move forward with. Some people simply aren't willing to share their story, which is unfortunate, because there is nothing I can do for them if I don't know what they're going through. Also, sometimes you encounter trolls who want to talk about inappropriate things, and they lower your listener rating before you can block or report them. Oh, and then there are members who read your message and don't respond (listeners do this too, of course). These things take the joy out of helping others. I was using all of my energy to try to support people in need and be there for them, but it never did any good for me, and I was wasting a great deal of time on people who didn't deserve it.
Then, of course, there is the perspective that I agree with you on. There are a lot of listeners on this website who are trained very poorly. I once had a conversation with a listener who was really getting on my nerves. Their messages didn't make any sense at all, they took ages to reply, and it was clear to me that they didn't follow the guide that every person is given before becoming a listener. When I brought this up, this person said that they didn't care about the rules and that they refused to follow them. And that listener isn't the only one. There are many people on this site who should NOT be listeners. I don't know why they are; it is clear to anyone who speaks to them that they really don't care about it. Instead of trying to help members, they just waste their time. I've connected with numerous listeners on an old account, and many of them stopped responding without so much as a "Goodbye," some were rude or asked for personal information, and some blocked me, even though I asked if it was okay to talk about a specific topic. Overall, my experience with listeners is a very negative one.
Unfortunately, that's just how it is. Nobody is perfect, and ANYONE can become a listener. This site is built on volunteers. Unless someone has a reason to become a listener, I don't believe that they should... Still, that is what they do. I've connected with people of a high title before (people who had over 200 chats and who spent a lot of time of this website), and it was clear to me that they no longer cared about their position either. It's just sad, really, to see this website going through such a downward spiral. More and more people lose interest each year.
(I'm out of time. I really wasn't sure how to end this message. But good luck to you. There are some good listeners on here, and I hope you find them.)
@wiltedRose8116
Ditto - while I'm not a listener I have felt everything you have described here. I actially stopped having 1-1 chats or group chats because of very similar experiences you described. So far, daily check-ins are what mekes it a little worthwhile but its not enough. I end up reading a lot more books,CBT and realized that I really need to go out and meet abd experience people regardless of how challenging that is for me but I agree with your experiences regarding this site.
If you read my profile and feel we might be a good match, you are more than welcome to follow me and that way you will have daily contact with someone, who herself is finding it a bit tough here. I am blessed to have found 5 listeners who are great, so I no longer look for new ones. Last week I cried my heart out after 2 of them disconnected the chat mid sentence to make it more hurtful still, they blocked me, as if I was a criminal, one blocked me before I had a chance to say 2 sentences. 