Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
  1. Forum
  2. Depression Support
  3. I'm miserable, I'm self sabotaging and destroying relationships

I'm miserable, I'm self sabotaging and destroying relationships
tattooedhiker252 October 27th, 2020
.

I just hate so much right now. I'm so miserable and angry and I cry more than I'd like to admit anymore.

I've gained a lot of weight over the last couple years and I HATE myself. I don't even want to look in the mirror. I refuse to take pictures, etc.

I'm in a toxic work environment that I'm trying really hard to get out of, but every day I still have to go there I feel myself slipping more and more. I used to LOVE the field I was in, I couldn't wait to go to work and I started working at this current location in January and I've gotten to the point where I dread work every day. I absolutely hate it, I'm even considering leaving this field permenately because of this place. I go to work angry and come home angry every single day.

I'm also in college while working full time. I'm failing one of my classes terribly. And I can't myself to study or try harder. I'm so tired all the time. And I'm so angry all the time. It's taking every ounce of energy I have and I just can't do it.

I'be tried reducing or cutting out relationships that werent healthy for me. I haven't spoken to my parents in over a month and a half. From the outside, my relationship with them was fine, but people don't know the amount of gaslighting and judgment and overall negative things that happened behind the "perfect suburban family" curtain. I couldn't get myself to see them anymore so I just stopped. And although I feel it's best for me, I feel guilty and other aspects of my life are just making things worse on top of the guilt.

The past 2 days, I've been fighting with my boyfrined a lot. We live together and he's the love of my life but my anger keeps making things worse and he doesn't understand that some of the things he says don't help. We've had neighbor complaints about my dog barking and her doggy day care is no longer available, so I was stressed about getting her care during my double shifts. He wasn't helping and I got snippy. He knows my stress but told me I was "being highly aggressive." I didn't apprciate that and got extremely upset. Then I was trying to figure out what to do with the class I'm failing and instead of stopping to listen to me, in a dismissive tone he said, "I dont know. Just try harder."

I just feel so alone. I can't afford therapy, but know I need it. I feel like I don't have a support system anymore. Work used to be my safe space because I could just focus on other things but now its such an unhealthy environment, I just don;t know what to do anymore.

2
wishfulRose80 October 28th, 2020
.

Hi, thank you so much for being honest and open about your situation. I am sorry to hear what you are going through. I cant fully relate, but there are some things that I can understand.

I recently got a job in a field that I studied in college. I never liked this field at all, and I did not want a job in it, but I got one. Everyday I struggle to make it through the 8 hours and I feel so tired. I can't focus because I don't have any interest.

I recently moved away from my family for this job. everyday I will video call them. I don't always want to, and a lot of times, I get irritated with them. Then later, I would feel bad and get so angry with myself. But in the end, we have to remember that we are just human. Anger sucks, but it happens. We just have to make sure it doesn't take control. I'm working on that, and I believe that you can too. It takes a lot of effort. But getting really angry at yourself is only going to make it worse. It drains your energy and makes you dislike yourself even more.

I also struggle with self loathing, and I have a hard time looking in the mirror. I constantly have to remind myself that even though things are not perfect, I've got a lot of blessings here. So do you.

Also, I respect you for doing both a full time job and going to college. That already shows you've got what it takes to make it in this world. Maybe you could try seeing a counselor at your college for help if needed.

Take it one day at a time. You got this. You are not alone! 😄

livewire101 February 21st, 2021
.

Hi, me and my girlfriend have been dating for six months and have moved through many issues with communicating to each other. Both her and I have had issues with our childhoods and upbringings and it’s been a struggle to keep a happy and trusting flow between us at all times. Arguments turn bad constantly and bad arguments have started to become a constant. I’ve had a hard time opening up with her and I have issues with complimenting her wholeheartedly on her heart and some other subjects. I also an artist try to support her but I also want to see her grow and develop mainly because I want to see her advance and become the best artist she can be. But she recently told me in an argument that I usually make my compliments short and surface level but my critiques being the complete opposite. I don’t want to be a bad partner for my girlfriend and I just feel bad because something as simple as a compliment and curtesy is an issue for me at times. All I want to do is communicate to her without hurting and show her how much I really do love what she does. And honestly I just need someone to talk to to kind of give me insight on becoming a better person for myself and her

*Support Forum Disclaimer
My communities
Community guidelines
Report an issue
Talk to an expert therapist
Hello! I am Heather Mendyk, a compassionate LMHC with over 12 years of...
Talk to Heather Now